Dreamers, Liars, and Tellers of Tall Tales

ISO: Daily Reads

2012-01-28T06:57:00.009-05:00

Back when I first started blogging, there were two websites that directed 90% of my traffic here. They were also the way I found almost every blog on my blog roll. Those two websites were blogmad.net and blogexplosion.com. Both have seemingly went out of business.

Blogmad's page no longer exists. Blogexplosion exists, but the FAQs page is dead and I don't know what my username is anymore. An email seeking help went unanswered, so I assume that's just a ghost ship.

I'm looking for something similar. I don't particularly care about driving traffic to my blog at this point, but I'd like to find some blogs that are updated almost daily. How the hell do people find interesting blogs these days?

First I tried stumbleupon.com. I find it to be awkward and clunky. To make matters worse, it seems like every blog I stumbled to was last updated two years ago. How hard is it to add a god damn filter to only stumble to blogs updated in the last two weeks?

Since then, I've been to a myriad of other sites: blogtoplist.com, blogflux.com, blogcatalog.com, and I don't even know who else. The end result is always the same.

Doesn't anyone know how to search for recent, interesting blogs anymore?

The 2012 Wish List

2012-01-25T20:43:00.006-05:00

I'm pretty sure I didn't get anything from my 2009 Wish List (I didn't bother with one for 2010 and 2011). Since I have no more readers, it seems unlikely that anything will come of this list either, but I suppose it doesn't hurt to have it out there, if nothing else so I can keep track of what I want.

I've decided I really, really want to start reading in my free time again. This will both be good for me, and good for my marriage, as it will mean less time on the computer (a constant sore spot for my wife). So look for the list to contain more books than usual this year.

Think you know a gift or book I might enjoy? Drop it in my suggestion box, or the comments of this post. On to the list:

1) Hope: A Tragedy, by Shalom Auslander (thanks NPR, for introducing me to this guy)
2) Foreskin's Lament, by Shalom Auslander (Best. Title. Ever.)
3) My War: Killing Time in Iraq, by Colby Buzzell
4) A playstation 3
5) An iPad 2
6) A Turtles Don't Like Peanut Butter Tee-Shirt, XXL
7) Blog Updates weekly from An Online Petition for Jennifer Love Hewitt.
8) Diablo III
9) X-COM: Enemy Unknown

Ending Poverty

2012-01-23T06:49:00.006-05:00

Recently, a friend of mine posted a link on Facebook. He was looking for a charitable way to help out the less fortunate, and came across a website called Kiva.org. Kiva provides microloans to third world nations, and in turn provides you with their stories and updates about how the money is being used. His post, and my response is as follows:

J:

"This seems like a pretty good idea. Has anyone done it?"
Kiva - Loans that change lives
kiva.org
Make a loan to an entrepreneur across the globe for as little as $25. Kiva is the world's first online lending platform connecting online lenders to entrepreneurs across the globe.

I took 15 minutes or so, and poked around their website for more information. Does the loan pay interest? Who are we helping? What are the terms? On the surface, it seemed like a really cool idea for people to help other people who didn't have much. Upon investigating, it seems that you don't loan the money to those who need it--they already got a loan from a bank. You're loaning the money to the bank that lent to them. I posted my response:

Me:

"I just read up on it, and I'm not sure I get it. Basically, it sounds like you assume the real lender's risk with no reward other than feeling good about helping the less fortunate. Instead, I recommend digging a hole, throwing fistfuls of cash into it, and burying it. There is less risk (although I suppose you *could* forget where you bury it), and similar reward."

"Um...or maybe donate that rotting money to something? I think that "feeling good about helping the less fortunate" is the whole thing."

Now, I'm all for helping the less fortunate, but I don't consider bankers to be "less fortunate" in general. Allowing them to get a reward while good people assume the risk seems, well, I'll just let the story tell itself.

Me:

"I would argue there are better charities to give to than assuming lender risk, which is flat out financially incompetent."

"It's 25 bucks. That's not a lot of risk. If you give to any charity, you expect physical return on your "investment.". Seems to me, with this there is a shot the money comes back so you can help someone else. I've got no stake in the thing, least of all return on investment."

My point was you aren't really giving the money to them. They've already received the money from real lenders. You're lending the money to the lenders, thereby assuming their risk. THEY ARE CHARGING INTEREST. Why would you assume someone's risk while letting them reap all the profits?

Now, if they offer reduced interest rates to the organizations BECAUSE of generous souls who assume most of the risk in the loan, that's another matter entirely. Somehow, I doubt this is the case, but I only spent about 15 minutes reading on their website. IF that were the case, then it's a pretty cool organization. If it's a third party that just finds suckers to assume risk on debts for nothing, well, I would encourage you to spread your good will elsewhere.

J seemed disinterested in talking about the matter further. Maybe it was something he found that he thought was cool, and didn't feel like debating it. Hopefully I didn't piss him off somehow. (If he still reads my blog, I guess we'll find out).

I decided to test my theory about lower interest rates being provided since they were essentially providing risk free loans. Here's what the website offered me:

"As of September 2011, the average interest rate and fees charged by Kiva's Field Partners is about 37%."

37-FUCKING-PERCENT?! They can do this because the areas they are "servicing" don't have access to banks. Predatory lenders offer better rates.

I suggested that if he really want to help these people, donate $25 to an organization that will just GIVE impoverished people the money, with no requirements to pay it back. Much less pay it back at an insane interest rate that will help to keep them impoverished.

I found one more little tidbit from their website. It confirmed my speculation that they did indeed offer lower interest rates because of the interest-free pool of wealth they were collecting from Kiva donors.

"Kiva lenders allow microfinance institutions to access capital at 0% interest; this can help our Field Partners offset their operational expenses and keep their interest rates low."

Given they are charging 37% interest on the average, I find this hard to believe, but then again, I'm not exactly an "expert" in microloans to 3rd world countries. Maybe that's a pretty sweet deal there. I'd hate to see what rates the predatory lenders charge over there.

In case it is, my argument remains that we need to find a better way.

Sarah Palin says 2008 Candidates Not Properly Vetted

2012-01-22T06:54:00.005-05:00

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
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I've Become a Stalker

2012-01-20T10:37:00.005-05:00

I knew when I returned to blogging, all of my former readers would be gone. I also knew most, if not all, of the blogs I used to read on a daily basis would also be gone. But I hoped beyond all hope that one would remain active. Or at least active enough where I could contact the former owner.

Please Do It, Ms Hewitt by a Concerned Fan

The premise of the blog was to start an online petition to Jennifer Love Hewitt to pose for playboy. That in itself is a noble cause, but the blog offered so much more: fake news, Eulogies from Gary Coleman, but what really kept me coming back for more was this man:

Letters from Wilford Brimley, speaking out about The Diabetes, Relationships, Chlamidya, and even NCAA brackets. That's the history. Let's fast forward to today.

The blog is dead, and has been for three years as of yesterday. I left a post there, hoping he still checked it from time to time. I sent an email to pleasedoitmshewitt@yahoo.com, and wilford_god_damn_brimley@yahoo.com, hoping they were not defunct. My call went unanswered. I scoured his blog for clues to his identity or any other form of contact. I only know he is approximately my age, and lived in Cambridge.

Then I stumbled upon a final clue. My last, best chance. He went on to mention he was an old college buddy of another blogger. I again tried my best through the outdated contact information posted on his friend's dead blog. No dice.

Finally, I did the only thing left I knew to do. I googled his friend, found a living website, and sent him an email. Here was my plea:

"Greetings,

I'm trying to track down a means to contact the former owner of the blog, Please Do It, Ms. Hewitt. He mentioned in one of his posts that you guys go back a ways, so I thought I would try contacting you. I tried emailing your anonymouslawyer@yahoo.com but apparently that is also defunct.

I was a regular reader of Please Do It, Ms. Hewitt when I was an active blogger. Now, after several years hiatus, I've returned to the blogosphere only to find all of my favorite old haunts are gone. It's a credit to his writing that the author of PDIMH is the only one I'm actively stalking to post an update. Hopefully you can help.

I need to resurrect Wilford Brimley, just one more God damn time. I need one final plea to Ms. Hewitt to disrobe. If you know him, please forward my contact email to him. If you don't, I'm sorry to have bothered you. Thanks!

Ben McKnight
http://daydreamed.blogspot.com"

Ladies and gentlemen, I received a response just now:

"I forwarded your e-mail to the friend of mine who I believe I'm remembering correctly was the author. So he may or may not get back to you, but I'm sure he will appreciate the note.

Best,
Jeremy"

Okay, so it isn't exactly the response I hoped for, but "I think I know who you're talking about, I forwarded them the email, and you may or may not have hit a dead end" will have to do, unless any of you have any more suggestions.

What is my objective in all of this, you ask? Well, in a perfect world, I'll convince him to rise from the ashes and begin posting again. Shortly thereafter, we'll go out for beers since we live so close to each other (which I never realized until I started stalking).

It's not a perfect world, though. He may wish his blog to remain dead, having felt it has run its course. I can respect that. In that case, I'd just request written permission to carry the torch, and begin to post Wilford Letters shamelessly in his style. And maybe the occasional plea to Ms. Hewitt to disrobe. I'd like to do this to not only enrich this blog with stolen content, but to honor the memory of a once favorite read.

If you're still out there, Concerned Fan, know that you are missed. Hopefully my email makes it into your hands, and my pleas do not fall on deaf ears.

With Best Regards,
A Concerned Fan of A Concerned Fan

The Republican Class of 2012

2012-01-18T05:57:00.003-05:00

I'm late to the party this year. Three would-be candidates have already dropped out, so reviewing them would be pretty pointless now. I suppose I didn't miss much in the cases of Michelle Bachmann (lunatic) and Herman Cain (seriously?), but John Huntsman was a terrific candidate that never gained any attention.

Huntsman is smart, patriotic, conservative, handsome, and he's never flip-flopped. All things important to any self-respecting conservative. Plus, he had a top five record in job creation while he was governor. Anyway, it's all for nothing now, on to the five who (technically) remain.

Former Governor Mitt Romney:

Mitt's big selling point to the general public is that in this economy, we need a business man for president, and as a business man, he made a mountain of cash and created "over 100,000 jobs."

I'm not going to contest that he made a mountain of cash as the CEO of Bain Capital, but I do question at whose expense that came. Also, his claim of creating 100,000+ jobs is questionable at best. He claims it is a net-net (jobs gained from successful companies, minus jobs lost at companies that went out of business), but he really hasn't provided any data to back that claim up. Come to think of it, he still hasn't provided his tax returns either. Ever.

My last point on Romney, as governor of Massachusetts, he came in (drum roll please) 47th in job creation during his time as governor.

Newt Gingrich:

Newt is a hell of a debater. He's won every debate I've watched so far (nearly all of them), but at the end of the day he just isn't going to make it. Romney's Super PAC destroyed him in Iowa and he hasn't recovered. If he doesn't recover in South Carolina, he's done.

He also managed to not get on the ballot in Virginia. Plenty of politicians skip certain states (Santorum should have skipped New Hampshire, Paul plans on skipping Florida) but generally you don't skip your HOME STATE, and WHERE YOUR CAMPAIGN IS HEADQUARTERED. It generally shows Newt lacks the organization to make a serious run at this point.

He's only staying in at this point to tear down Romney, angry because of what his Super PAC did to him in Iowa. The irony is, by staying in he is only helping Romney by fracturing the "anti-Romney" field, dividing the remaining votes.

Rick Santorum:

"If you got no money and you got no car, then you got no woman, and there you are..."

-Young MC

Rick Santorum has no money. He almost managed a win in Iowa thanks to the fact that Iowans HATED every other possible candidate. That gave him the cash to continue and compete in New Hampshire and South Carolina, but he doesn't have the money to compete in Florida. That's a good thing because he believes kids with a father in jail is better for the kid than to have two gay parents.

Rick Perry:

This guy should have quit after finishing 5th in Iowa. He should have quit after garnering 1% of the vote in New Hampshire. He probably should have quit after he couldn't recall which three agencies of government he would eliminate during a national debate. Yet he presses on. He's dead in the water, so I won't waste any more time on him.

Ron Paul:

I love Ron Paul. He consistently tells the truth (at least more than most politicians) and stands behind what he says, even if it's insanely unpopular, like his foreign policy.

I like his foreign policy too. If you're not familiar with it, he wants to stop policing the world, bring our troops home, secure our own borders, and stop wasting money. What's not to like about that?

He's viewed as a cross between a cantankerous old grandfather and a lunatic by most people. Ultimately, he doesn't have a chance to win the nomination. However, he and Mitt Romney show they are in a dead-heat vs. Obama in recent polls. I'd be interested in seeing what that poll looked like if he ran as a 3rd party candidate against Obama AND Romney.

UPDATE:

I almost forgot a major player in the election cycle.

Stephen Colbert:

After polling at 5% in South Carolina, 1% above the now defunct John Huntsman, Stephen Colbert has turned his eye towards the presidency. Since it is too late to get on the South Carolina ballot, Colbert is urging all of his supporters to vote for Herman Cain. It'll be interesting to see how much support a candidate who is no longer in the race can garner.

It should also be noted that Colbert has appointed Jon Stewart to head his Super PAC, The Definitely Not Coordinating With Stephen Colbert Super PAC, Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow.

Jon Stewart, "a loose cannon," as Colbert describes him, even ran an ad portraying Mitt Romney as a serial killer:

The Colbert Report
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Things could get interesting by Texas. It's not too late to get on the ballot there, so there is a distinct possibility that he could actually be awarded delegates.

Napoleon Dynamite

2012-01-16T15:23:00.004-05:00

There are so many things I want to write about today. Since returning, I have yet to weigh in on the Republican nomination. Fear not, loyal reader(s), it's coming. Just not today. Replacing "the Cleveland Show" last night on Fox's Animation Domination was none other than Napoleon Dynamite.

Come again?

That's right. The movie (which I loved, by the way) which was relevant for about 5 minutes in 2004 to about 50 people has resurfaced as a cartoon on Fox.

"Napoleon Dynamite"

When: Sundays, 8:30 PM EST
Who: Jon Heder, Aaron Ruell, Efren Ramirez, Halie Duff, John Gries, Sandy Martin
Where: Fox
What:

Imagine Napoleon Dynamite the movie, and now replace it in your head with cartoon characters instead of actors.

The talent:

They've reunited the entire cast, as far as I can tell, from the movie to the cartoon. This is presumably because none of them had been working anyway.

Projected Longevity of the Show:

Well, it's on Fox, so chances are if it is successful, they will subsequently mishandle and cancel it. That said, I don't think this one is ready to catch fire any time soon. The bar has been set pretty low, as it's replacing Jonah Hill's hot mess called Allen Gregory, which I barely remember hearing about and never watching.

Projected Watchability:

Women: 3 out of 10
Men: 5 out of 10

As I said in the beginning, only a handful of people have heard of the movie, so I guess there will be a lot that is lost in translation as people get to know the characters. It's going to be sandwiched in a popular line up, so it has that going for it. I tried to watch the first two episodes and fell asleep during each.

It is also worth mentioning that I've found no evidence that the Cleveland Show has been cancelled. Apparently this was just a one-time thing.

Since you were so good to read the entire post, here's your reward in the form of today's DAILY FEEL GOOD. The best part comes at the end when the report reveals that this is the third such occurrence in recent months at a Detroit Chuck-E-Cheese.

Tim Tebow

2012-01-15T11:23:00.001-05:00

Even for those of you who have never watched a football game, you probably know who this guy is. Over the past several months, he has inexplicably become a media darling and a national icon. It's time I weigh in on the subject.

I hate Tim Tebow.

Maybe that's too harsh. I believe, at his core, he is a good man. I think he possesses qualities that I myself am jealous of. He has unshakable faith. Even after I developed a faith of sorts in God, I've never been able to remove all doubt, no matter how badly I wanted it. I've come to terms with the fact that I'm just not wired that way, and I'm very grateful for the relationship I do have with a Higher Power, even if it's a round peg in a religious square hole.

He gives to charity. A lot. He seems to genuinely care about the plight of the human race. I can't afford to give to charity, but I wonder, even if I could, would I? I like to think I would. I've even researched the non-profits I would like to give to. But at the end of the day, if the world were divided into givers and non-givers, where would I cast my lot?

He's a hell of a teammate. I cannot deny his charisma, his selflessness (although this can be debated on certain levels I won't get into here), his desire to win, and his ability to inspire. The team clearly rallied behind him, and there is no contesting that.

Maybe a more fair statement is: I hate what the media has turned Tim Tebow into for the sake of a better story.

Tim Tebow is a bad quarterback.That's a statement I can make in all fairness. For all of the intangibles I just listed, at the end of the day, he still lacks the tangibles.

"But Ben, he wins games. How can you say he is a bad quarterback when he succeeds at the only stat that really matters?"

Because the last time I checked, there are 26 guys on a football team, and 13 more that play on special teams (which may or may not be part of the 26 that play regularly). Football teams count on 53 guys to win on any given Sunday, and Tebow is just the guy who is getting the credit for their success.

In his final game of the season, Tebow went 9-for-26, 136 yards, no touchdowns, no interceptions, and a fumble lost. He's only been above 50% in completion percentage twice in his brief career. In 23 games, he has completed 167 of 353 passes, for a dismal 47.3%, 17 touchdowns, 9 interceptions, and a very, very mediocre 75.1 Quarterback Rating. Dear Readers, there is a chance that I could post similar numbers in an NFL uniform.

I heard on television this morning, consistent with the media rhetoric, that these are better numbers than Aaron Rogers and Drew Brees had coming into the league, and that Tebow will be a force in the NFL for years to come. If I were to venture a guess, I would say he has less than 3 years left, and if for some reason he goes longer, it's out of fear of a media backlash, or a backlash from the fans that inexplicably continue to defend his piss-poor play at the quarterback position.

Friday the 13th

2012-01-13T21:33:00.003-05:00

For a guy who isn't superstitious, it's been a pretty shitty day. I'm not at liberty to divulge the dirty details, but let's just say it wasn't good.

Fortunately, there was plenty in the news to cheer me up. I don't just have one daily "feel good" for you, today I have three:

Disturbing AND Impressive

You're never too young to be a homophobe

Tell me again why you would share this with a co-worker?

In unrelated news, I continue to perform blog maintenance, repairing dead links and YouTube videos. I'm searching all of my comments for former friends to see if they are still active (very few of them are). Basically, it looks like I've more or less got to start from scratch. I've got the blogroll started again, that's a start. This weekend I'm going to try and reorganize all the post Labels into something more coherent and searchable.

If you stop by, be sure to say hello so I know all my efforts aren't for naught at this point.

I'm Back, and Better Than Ever...

2012-01-11T22:57:00.002-05:00

I finally, after years of absence, feel inspired to write again. I spent the last couple of hours cleaning up the blog. The first thing to go were the goddamn sponsored posts. Next, I cleaned up my list of daily reads. It's still incomplete, but it's at least more current. I didn't even remember what half of the websites on there were, much less read them daily.

This week, I've got to meticulously go through the comments of my posts, find my old friends, and figure out if they are still active or not. Then I need to figure out how to get my blog roll working again so I remember to go read what they are up to.

So where is all of this going? What am I going to write about? Why on earth would you ever visit here again?

1) We're entering a political season once more. That means a wealth of humor.
2) Things that piss me off. Scroll through my old posts and see if you like my style when I fly off the handle.
3) Television. I'm a hopeless addict.

If I ventured a guess, that would be the three topics I'd say nearly every post in 2012 will be about. If you dabble in such things, and enjoy laughing until shit flies out of your nose, then this blog is for you. If you don't, feel free to stick around anyway.

Better Late Then Never

2009-03-01T14:54:00.000-05:00

Thanks for this, David.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Alan Keyes is Totally Insane

2009-02-21T11:24:00.004-05:00

Christmas Wish List

2009-01-02T12:42:00.006-05:00

My friends yell at me because i have the worst memory on earth. They would periodically ask me what I wanted for Christmas, and I could never remember anything I wanted. So my new years resolution is to keep this list up to day and email it to them whenever they ask.

1) Into The Wild Green Yonder, Movie, Futurama
2) Mr. Sebastian and the Negro Magician, book by Daniel Wallace
3) Gift certificates to Best Buy or Borders/Barnes & Noble
4) Surprise me, like my friend Ray Christmas 2008, with something related to my favorite books, authors, or hobbies. (Photography, Maurice Sendak, Douglas Adams, Futurama, etc--ask for more).
5) A shirt that says I #%@& on the first date. Jack Black wore it in Tropic Thunder and I found it hilarious.
6) Nikon D300 Camera Body. If I have 100 friends, and you all kick in $17, this can be a reality.

I can be me again

2008-11-08T11:04:00.003-05:00

Now that the election is over (suck it, McCain supporters), I can be me again. First, some comic relief.

Clarity, ah Yes.

2008-10-08T16:34:00.001-04:00

It's 1984....

2008-10-06T21:39:00.002-04:00

Per the St. Petersburg Times, by Eileen Shulte

CLEARWATER -- Constantly under the watchful eyes of security, the media wasn't permitted to wander around inside Coachman Park to talk to Sarah Palin supporters. When reporters tried to leave the designated press area and head toward the bleachers where the crowd was seated, an escort would dart out of nowhere and confront him or her and say, "Can I help you?'' and turn the person around.
When one reporter asked an escort, who would not give her name, why the press wasn't allowed to mingle, she said that in the past, negative things had been written. The campaign wanted to avoid that possibility Monday.

"We are at war with Eurasia. We have always been at war with Eurasia."

Fare Thee Well, Nick Reynolds....

2008-10-04T00:33:00.007-04:00

Palin wants to hit Michigan

2008-10-03T18:40:00.003-04:00

McCain pulled out of Michigan, which is interesting, but read this from Political Wire:

Palin Criticizes McCain Decision on Michigan
In an interview with Fox News, Gov. Sarah Palin criticized Sen. John McCain's decision "to pull campaign resources out of Michigan, saying she and her husband Todd would 'be happy' to campaign in the economically distraught battleground state."

Palin said that when she read the news, she "fired off a quick e-mail and said, 'Oh come on, do we have to?'"

Anyone else think it's interesting that her campaign isn't sharing strategy with her? Or is that common?

The Veep Debate

2008-10-03T10:20:00.003-04:00

Per Factcheck.org:

* Palin mistakenly claimed that troop levels in Iraq had returned to
“pre-surge” levels. Levels are gradually coming down but current plans would
have levels higher than pre-surge numbers through early next year, at least.

* Biden incorrectly said “John McCain voted the exact same way” as Obama on a
controversial troop funding bill. The two were actually on opposite sides.

* Palin repeated a false claim that Obama once voted in favor of higher taxes on
“families” making as little as $42,000 a year. He did not. The budget bill in
question called for an increase only on singles making that amount, but a
family of four would not have been affected unless they made at least $90,000
a year.

* Biden wrongly claimed that McCain “voted the exact same way” as Obama on the
budget bill that contained an increase on singles making as little as $42,000
a year. McCain voted against it. Biden was referring to an amendment that
didn't address taxes at that income level.

* Palin claimed McCain’s health care plan would be “budget neutral,” costing the
government nothing. Independent budget experts estimate McCain's plan would
cost tens of billions each year, though details are too fuzzy to allow for
exact estimates.

* Biden wrongly claimed that McCain had said "he wouldn't even sit down" with
the government of Spain. Actually, McCain didn't reject a meeting, but simply
refused to commit himself one way or the other during an interview.

* Palin wrongly claimed that “millions of small businesses” would see tax
increases under Obama’s tax proposals. At most, several hundred thousand
business owners would see increases.

So you want the good news or the bad news? The good news is, the Veep debate doesn't really matter. These two aren't going to have anything to say about policy...unless McCain or Barack die. Which brings me to the bad news....

Here's my issue with both candidates. I don't think Palin knows what she's doing. Period. Her best detectable talent in politics is memorizing talking points and repeating them like a parrot...even when asked a follow up question...or a different question entirely for that matter.

With Biden, I can't tell if he knows what he's really talking about or not, because he says everything very convincingly, even if he's dead wrong. I've really tried to like him and I don't. Despite his short-comings, I think he definitely knows what he is talking about more than Sarah Palin.

My final take? Biden won the debate, Sarah exceeded expectations*, but slipped back into her usual self by the end (somewhere just before the "Shout Out"...Oye).

* Note: Most of us expected her to make no fewer than three (3) fart noises into the microphone as responses.

New Shows Continue to Return

2008-10-02T13:38:00.003-04:00

Pushing Daisies came back last night. Off to a bad start. I'll give them a pass because they are setting up season 2. I fully expect things to get better.

Chuck is the same old chuck, which is a good thing.

Heroes continues to be meh for me. They haven't lost me yet, but it'll head that way if it doesnt upgrade.

I haven't watched Prison Break yet this week. That's usually a signal that it's the beginning of the end for me. It sunk to the bottom of my priorities.

I fell asleep during Bones last night. Also a bad sign.

House continues to kick ass. It's officially back from the dead. This show absolutely jumped the shark with me, and has now defied death.

Sarah Connor Chronicles: Awesome.

As for new shows, I think they might have canceled Do Not Disturb already. That didn't take long. Make way for Scrubs! (I think DND was ABC....).

Fringe is trying to advance the plot. Bad idea. Getting stupid, very fast.

Thank god for DVRs and fast forwarding through commercials. I'd never squeeze all this in from 8PM to 10 PM without it.

Speaking of Television, tonight is Debate Night. Keep the mute button ready for when it gets too painful to listen to (and I think I mean that from both candidates. Biden isn't exactly "gaffe free.")

Kristin's Retarded Argument

2008-10-01T11:01:00.003-04:00

This is all third hand, by the way. It'll probably lead to a retraction later. Basically, a best friend (Jen) and her sister (Kristin) were having a discussion about oil and alternative energy. Kristin apparently saw this advertisement, since it describes the foundation of her argument.

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Another Palin Slam

2008-09-30T11:09:00.002-04:00

The scariest part came at the end of the clip. I knew the odds for her becoming president if McCain were elected is higher than many presidents. But I hadn't really thought of the actual odds yet. This man claims they are 1:5. That's 20%. That, my friends, is an incredibly scary gamble. Sub-prime lenders wouldn't touch it.

If someone told me I'd blog about Katie Couric more than once this year, I'd call them an idiot. Yet here she is again, making it into my column. I'd like to preface what I'm about to say with an anecdote.

My friend turned me on to a movie by HBO called Small Town Ecstacy. They originally set out to do a documentary about the ecstacy subculture. What they ended up finding was this guy in the middle of a mid-life crisis. They turned the entire movie into the documentation of this man's downward spiral and how the drug compounded the disaster that became his life. The best way to describe the movie is that every time you find yourself thinking, "this can't get worse," it does. Every time. The same seems to be holding true for the Couric interview.

Unbelievably, there is one more segment to be aired. Unbelievably, it's more disturbing than the first two. There's no crazy, convoluted answer this time. When asked to discuss another Supreme Court case she disagrees with besides Roe V. Wade, she just sits in silence.

I can hear the crickets chirping on SNL now...

McCain: It's the Democrats' Fault

2008-09-29T18:05:00.003-04:00

McCain said earlier, "Senator Obama and his allies in Congress infused unnecessary partisanship into the process."

Riiiiiiiiiight. Let's look at some numbers, shall we?

The House contains 200 Republicans and 235 Democrats for a grand total of 435. How did the vote break down?

AGAINST: 133 Republicans (66.5% of Republicans) and 95 Democrats (40.4% of Democrats)
FOR: 65 Republicans (32.5% of Republicans) and 140 Democrats (59.6% of Democrats)
ABSTAIN: 2 Republicans ( 1.0% of Republicans) and 0 Democrats.

Tell me again how it's the Democrats' fault?

Let's PRETEND for a second that McCain is right. Surely he's the sort of leader that could rally all the Representatives from his own state, right?

Wrong. All four Democrats from Arizona voted against the measure. Wait?! Maybe it is their fault then! I'm sure he got all the support from the REPUBLICANS in Arizona, right?

Wrong. All four Republican representatives from Arizona voted against the measure.

In McCain's home state, he went 0-8 as far as unity towards passing the bill. That's some fine leadership skills there, buddy.

Stunt or Not?

2008-09-29T15:07:00.003-04:00

Some people said it was heroic (albeit a small percentage of you) for John McCain to "Suspend his Campaign, for the good of the country." Others, (correctly, in this blogger's humble opinion) called it a stunt to distract the media from his free-falling poll numbers, lobbyist campaign managers on the take from Freddie Mac, and a series of VP interviews that, at best, were painful to watch.

So here it is...the moment of truth. Ready for some straight talk folks? The House has shot down the bailout. By all accounts, if McCain isn't playing political games, he needs to suspend his campaign immediately and return to Washington, DC until he demonstrates some real brass and pulls this thing together.

Two things:

1) Pretty sure it was a stunt, and he's unlikely to repeat it.
2) If he did do that, and pull it off, he's suddenly have a chance at getting my vote.

For those of you who still believe it was an act of leadership and heroism, my advice to you is "don't hold your breath."

Your Rights as an American

2008-09-29T14:31:00.002-04:00

Some good ol' fashion stompin' on the constitution at the Republican National Convention.

Debate Themes....

2008-09-29T13:41:00.003-04:00

I'll give my 4 readers a more detailed analysis later, possibly today, but I wanted to draw your attention to the major themes of the debate:

1) McCain focused everything he had into making Obama seem totally inexperienced. How many times did you hear "He doesn't understand _____________________."

Not a terrible strategy. Complete fabrication, but he did a good job of repeating that phrase over eight times. It was almost the start of every answer. Sorta like the premise that "there is no bad publicity," if you repeat something enough times, the public will not only remember it, they'll mark it down as Gospel.

2) Obama strived at "being the better man." He constantly said "John is absolutely right." I wish I had been on the debate team that helped prep them, since I could have helped them avoid John's primary attack ad today. I would have amended it to "John is half-right, or partially right." The good news is, it played well with all demographics--I think McCain's campaign realized that, which is why they are spinning the phrase today. Obama looked like a guy willing to reach across the aisle...stealing a perceived McCain strength.

3)Obama's first response was directly into the camera. The whole thing. It was very personal, and really set the tone. It was like he was in my living room talking to me. Part of me wished he did it more, part of me was glad he didn't over do it, and diminish the power it wielded.

The Truth Hurts

2008-09-29T07:56:00.002-04:00

Tina Fey once again sums up pretty much what I read from Palin with each of her interviews so far (although I haven't seen Palin jumble together a series of talking points. Just use them, pretty astutely, to dodge questions).

Paul Newman

2008-09-28T11:13:00.005-04:00

Rest In Peace, Paul.

I'm a few days late because I had a wedding to attend--I still haven't seen the debate in it's entirety (although I've heard the whole thing). Anyway, I wanted to share something *I* never new about Paul Newman.

When he came out with his salad dressings (and later many more things in a food empire), I thought it was just a way to pay the bills and make a little money in his golden years, when the majority of his acting gigs were behind him. I learned, the day after his death, he never made a dime from his food business. He contributed every last cent to over 1000 charities around the world. The final contribution amount?

$250,000,000.

I was blown away by that number, given from a single man. And I hope he's not done yet--I hope he made sure it reads in his last will and testament that his share of the sales continue to go into the charities of his choice. I've decided from now on I'll buy Newman's products.

Palin "Out of Her League"

2008-09-26T13:01:00.007-04:00

Ouch. This has got to sting a little. Kathleen Parker, a nationally syndicated columnist, staunch conservative, has this to say in the National Review, the most conservative of magazines:

Palin didn’t make a mess cracking the glass ceiling. She simply glided through it.

It was fun while it lasted.

Palin’s recent interviews with Charles Gibson, Sean Hannity, and now Katie Couric have all revealed an attractive, earnest, confident candidate. Who Is Clearly Out Of Her League.

No one hates saying that more than I do. Like so many women, I’ve been pulling for Palin, wishing her the best, hoping she will perform brilliantly. I’ve also noticed that I watch her interviews with the held breath of an anxious parent, my finger poised over the mute button in case it gets too painful. Unfortunately, it often does. My cringe reflex is exhausted.

Palin filibusters. She repeats words, filling space with deadwood. Cut the verbiage and there’s not much content there.

I'm pretty sure she just called her an Empty Skirt. She closes the article with this:

McCain can’t repudiate his choice for running mate. He not only risks the wrath of the GOP’s unforgiving base, but he invites others to second-guess his executive decision-making ability. Barack Obama faces the same problem with Biden.

Only Palin can save McCain, her party, and the country she loves. She can bow out for personal reasons, perhaps because she wants to spend more time with her newborn. No one would criticize a mother who puts her family first.

Do it for your country.

Palin is a Man

2008-09-26T12:08:00.001-04:00

If the World Voted

2008-09-26T09:29:00.005-04:00

Wow. They just put this up the other day, so it's still early, but according to this map, of all the countries with enough votes to count, it appears John is the favorite in only El Salvador:

Play along and vote for your guy here:

The Economist

Oh, and special thanks to the blogger who tipped me off to this:

UndecidedinPA

Wow...More Palin and Couric

2008-09-25T17:47:00.004-04:00

I didn't think I could be more disturbed than I was with the clip I posted earlier. I'm definitely more disturbed.

Watch CBS Videos Online

In related news, I think that this is the reason McCain cancelled Dave Letterman (and why Dave saw him live with Katie Couric). Ben Smith of Politico, I believe correctly, thinks this went so badly, McCain had to give her an interview to balance it.

I can't wait for the VP debate.

Amazing Catch

2008-09-25T16:24:00.002-04:00

This is one of the best catches I've ever seen. I don't think it's more impressive than Manning's Super Bowl Miracle to David Tyree, but in all fairness, the whole play is amazing in that case. This is just a hell of a catch.

The Downside of Working Around a lot of Mics

2008-09-25T10:38:00.002-04:00

You're gonna want to turn up the volume around second #11.

Hell Hath No Fury Like a Late Night Comedian Scorned

2008-09-24T21:04:00.001-04:00

Speaking of Katie Couric, it looks like she had a busy day....with Dave Letterman's Date.

Sarah Palin, Ignoramus

2008-09-24T20:49:00.003-04:00

This hurt to watch. If you think this woman is qualified to be Vice President, you should watch this video. If 5 minutes later, you still think she is qualified, you really, really shouldn't be allowed to vote.

It's a fine collection of non-answers, confused answers, question dodging, and perpetual ignorance. If you get skewered by Katie Freakin' Couric, I now totally understand why the McCain campaign is not letting you field questions from investigative journalists. I'm not sure how Biden is going to resist the uncontrollable urge to choke her during the debate.

Dave Chappelle

2008-09-24T20:13:00.004-04:00

Those who know me know I think Dave might be the best comedic mind of my lifetime. Too bad he's also crazy. Anyway, this presidential election got me thinking about two of my favorite Chappelle skits of all time. Here they are for your viewing pleasure...

What I'm Watching Tonight

2008-09-24T13:41:00.002-04:00

Starting at 8pm, I'll watch Bones...although each time feels closer to the last time than the first. Thanks to the amazing powers of Tivo, I'll also get a chance to take a look at Knight Rider until October 3rd. I'm curious, more than anything, but I don't expect much. I already know it doesn't stand a chance once Pushing Daisies returns October 3rd. Unless Bones takes an unprecedented, cataclysmic fall from grace (which I'm sad to say isn't totally outside the realm of possibility).

At 9pm, I'll tune in to David Blaine's Dive of Death. Sorry, I'm totally kidding. There's absolutely no chance I'll watch that. Although I do hope he dies. Unfortunately, like all of his stunts, I don't think he's in any actual danger at any point. I wish I could punch that guy and tell him he only imagined it.

In reality, Wednesdays from 9-9:30 are a sad state of affairs this year. There's nothing remotely original. At 9:30, I'll tune in for Do Not Disturb. As I mentioned before, the second episode redeemed the terrible first episode. Hopefully it develops some consistency.

Wednesday has been traditionally decent, but it looks like slip pickin's this year. I guess the good news is I get to go to bed at 10:00.

Thursday had the best lineup of the week last year: Earl, Office, Scrubs, 30 Rock. That more or less remained in tact, with the exception of Scrubs. From Wikipedia:

The season concluded on May 8, 2008, ending the series' run on NBC. The series is slated to return during the 2008-2009 television season as a mid-season replacement on ABC.

Anyone else not know what that means? Does it mean ABC has another season in the can, and plan on replacing it when something gets canceled? What if nothing gets canceled? For the moment, it's being replaced by Kath & Kim, which is supposed to be funny and edgy in Australia. We'll see how it translates.

Also crowbarred in there is SNL Thursday Night Live...as spin off of Saturday Night Live. If this sounds like the worst idea ever to you as well, raise your hand. I thought spin offs were based on shows with high ratings?

That's enough for now. I'll post Friday through Sunday on....uhh, Friday.

From the "Now That's Just Nasty" File....

2008-09-24T10:02:00.003-04:00

Dear Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream Gods:

If you would like for me to never, ever, under any circumstance, eat your product again, by all means, listen to PETA.

Your Humble Patron,

Benjamin C. McKnight

Where's Palin?

2008-09-24T09:32:00.002-04:00

If this lady is so ready to lead, and so ready to be VP, and ready to be president if need be, how come she still won't speak to the press? Save Charlie Gibson, she has not had a single interview, or answered a single question. If she "doesn't blink" in the face of adversity or opportunity, why not have a press conference, instead of posing for photo ops at the United Nations?

In other news, for all the Freddie Mac slinging that Johnny Mac has been doing at Obama, maybe he should have taken his top adviser off of Freddie Mac's Payroll before the press caught wind of it. Stay Tuned...this is going to be a very big story over the next week.

When McCain said he's going to put Lobbyists where they belong, I guess what he really means by "where they belong" is "on my staff." Tell me again how this guy is managing to steal some of Obama's "change" ticket theme?

One Television Straggler...

2008-09-23T23:43:00.002-04:00

I forgot about the Fringe. I stand by an earlier statement that the acting is weak. That said, it was interesting again tonight. The cool thing about the show is the possibilities are endless as far as episode to episode plot goes. It depends on what they intend to do with it. They could print money a la the Law and Order blueprint for printing money if they want. Just leave them be to investigate cool stuff, but never really advance the plot. I suspect they are going to try to move things forward though, which means it will undoubtedly get stupid sooner or later.

Quick list of shows I can't wait to come back on the air:

Earl
Pushing Daisies
Life
*My Own Worst Enemy
Chuck
*Surviving Suburbia
30-Rock(ed the Emmys)
Damages

*denotes new show

I also need to remember to check out the Mentalist pilot on Friday. I forgot to record it tonight. Off to a bad start. I suspect it's Psych-lite, without the funny, so probably not a big deal.

Fall Television Round Up

2008-09-23T12:23:00.003-04:00

I need to comment on some old returning shows before the new shows hit in full force next month. Some of these will be quick and dirty, some of them will be drawn out.

Bones

Ladies and Gentlemen, I believe we've officially Jumped the Shark. I suspect it's when we lost one of our favorite squints to gormagon in the finale last season, but whatever reason, the show has been mediocre at best so far. I even forgot to talk about it in one of my first reviews. It was that unmemorable. I look forward to David Boreanaz's next project, whatever it may me.

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles

I like this show a lot more than I thought I would. I feel like the plot is still developing, but Brian Austin Green is a really nice addition to an already solid cast. They haven't lost me yet. Barring a ridiculous plot twist, I should be on board for the rest of the season. It's an interesting backdrop--Sarah struggles to allow John to have a normal life, and allow herself to have a human side while they battle what's coming, with the help of what's coming.

Prison Break

Goddamnit, it's been pretty good so far. I hate to admit that. Although I must confess, I've started referring to the show as "The Company" instead of "Prison Break" in my head.

House

Not much to go on yet, but it seems to have returned from the dead. So far they're focusing on the awkwardness between Wilson and House, and Wilson's impending resignation. Omar Epps's character was the only one who advised Wilson to do what's best for him, instead of convincing him to stay. I think that's a more interesting character development than most people realize.

Do Not Disturb

Episode One was absolutely horrible. I almost wrote it off for dead. Episode Two was hysterical. I still wish they'd scrap the canned laughter, but the writing was much, much better. It bought itself a few more episodes from me, and likely another blog or two, but it might be one of those hit or miss shows. If that's the case, it won't survive. (Man oh man does it make me miss Carpoolers).

Supernatural

I don't talk much about this one, but it's a guilty pleasure. Last season, one of the main characters was damned to hell. He got out in the first 10 seconds of the new season, which I highly disapproved of. It set a sour tone for the premiere. I didn't mind him getting out, but I didn't like how they didn't even allow me a chance to feel something about his state. It was revealed at the end of the episode that he was saved by an Angel of the Lord, which puts an awesome twist on this interesting series. Suddenly God interferes with the plan. Sorta cool.

Heroes

Anyone else really disappointed? Maybe that one-hour premiere red carpet event was a bit too much hype leading up to it. It's still early, but I'm lost. Nicki seems to have no idea who she is. Peter's gone and fucked up the space-time continuem, Sylar isn't a problem, but they accidentally released 12 more that are just as bad, and Suresh went and pulled a Dr. Jeckyl/Mr. Hyde, something very out of his character. Hopefully it gets better.

On one quick political note, Sam Harris of Newsweek penned a column in the opinion section that sums up (quite nicely) 1) Why Palin has so much appeal and 2) Why we should be absolutely terrified of her. It's hilarious (in an unfunny way if we still know or care what she is doing on November 5th) for those who don't like her. It's too bitter to sway any opinions for those who do like her, but it's a great read regardless.

Taxes Explained

2008-09-21T08:16:00.003-04:00

Some genius at Country Club First came up with this handy, dandy tax graph to show you EXACTLY what each candidate plans on doing to your tax bracket. Know your annual income? See what each candidate will do for your bottom line:

A friend once mentioned that as a small business owner, her boss felt he had to vote for McCain. He's assuming two things:

1) McCain can fix the economy--that, not taxes, is crushing small businesses (like mine).

2) His small business nets over 600,000 annually.

Just think of all the people McCain is helping. I wonder what those people who make under $19k are going to do with their $19....

The Debates

2008-09-21T07:54:00.004-04:00

So, I noticed a couple of curious things about the debates.

1) Both McCain and Obama wanted Foreign Policy to be the subject of the first debate. McCain because he feels it emphasizes a strength, Obama because he wants to dissolve the image that it's his weakness. My question is, if they BOTH wanted it first, why is it the final debate?

2) "Now the candidates will be asked a question, each will give an answer of two minutes or less, and then they will mix it up for five additional minutes before moving on to the next question in the same format." I highly approve of this format. We get to head the candidates canned answer, followed by several minutes of true debate.

3) McCain is ashamed of his cancer scar. He and aides are worried about how it will look during the debates.

4) The Republicans are terrified of what Joe Biden could do to Sarah Palin. And Joe Biden isn't remotely scared of her. An exerpt from the NY Times:

At the insistence of the McCain campaign, the Oct. 2 debate between the Republican nominee for vice president, Gov. Sarah Palin, and her Democratic rival, Senator Joseph R. Biden Jr., will have shorter question-and-answer segments than those for the presidential nominees, the advisers said. There will also be much less opportunity for free-wheeling, direct exchanges between the running mates.

McCain advisers said they had been concerned that a loose format could leave Ms. Palin, a relatively inexperienced debater, at a disadvantage and largely on the defensive....

Commission members wanted a relaxed format that included time for unpredictable questioning and challenges between the two vice-presidential candidates. On Wednesday, the commission unanimously rejected a proposal sought by advisers to Ms. Palin and Senator John McCain of Arizona, the Republican presidential nominee, to have the moderator ask questions and the candidates answer, with no time for unfettered exchanges. Advisers to Mr. Biden say they were comfortable with either format.

Melanoma and McCain

2008-09-16T09:44:00.003-04:00

As promised, I'm doing some due diligence on McCain's medical records today. I came across an interesting read from the Salon. Here's an excerpt:

The melanomas removed in 2000 were Stage IIa. Stage IV is the most serious category. Survival rate for State IIa melanomas 10 years after diagnosis is 65 percent. The longer the patient survives, the better the prognosis becomes. Because McCain has survived more than five years already, the likelihood of the cancer's return has fallen to 14 percent, and the incidence of death is projected at 9 percent.

These seems to debunk some of the information in the previous video (See: scary death charts in video). While almost a 1 in 10 chance of dying is somewhat disturbing, I was under the impression his chances weren't even that good. Also, one must consider that the President gets slightly better medical attention than the average Joe.

More to come.

EDIT:

Another interesting tidbit--in 2000, he released 1500 pages of information going back to his release from the Hanoi Hilton. This year, he released almost 1200 more pages. How the heck does this guy collect so much data in 8 years? The press said 1500 in 2000 was a bit excessive, but given his history as a POW, I can completely understand why there might be more than the average candidate. But 1200 pages in 8 years? It seems like a lot. Whether there is actually that much (which would concern me) or it's bulky to bury something important (which would concern me), I think I'd just feel better if he let investigative reporters do their job, spend one day answering questions, and move on.

Then again, with the clock ticking down, I'm sure John feels there are better ways to spend a day. He should have done this when Obama was still battling Hillary.

A Grain of Salt

2008-09-15T18:24:00.003-04:00

Take this video with a grain of salt. Sounds to me like a couple of Obama supporting Doctors trying to raise a non-issue with McCain. Why am I posting it you ask? Mostly, I'm curious if it's a non-issue with others, or if it should be a bigger deal than it is.

This is a demand for McCain to release his medical records. If you're like me, you probably think he already has. This video claims they were released...for 3 hours...in a room with a few select journalists...who weren't allowed to make phone calls, copies, emails, or possess electronic devices of any kind. If that last sentence is true (and you can bet your ass I'm going to do some research), than suddenly I'm a lot more curious about McCain's medical history than I was 10 minutes ago.

Your Oil Prices Explained....

2008-09-15T16:29:00.001-04:00

I meant to put this up a while ago, but I forgot.

McCain, THIS MORNING

2008-09-15T11:12:00.003-04:00

From the "Are You Effing Kidding Me" file:

I cannot begin to describe how utterly important it is that John McCain NOT be elected 44th President of the United States. Even if you don't like them, it HAS to be Obama/Biden. John McCain will not lead our economy out of ruin. Clearly, he doesn't even think it's a problem right now.

Very Scary, Indeed

2008-09-15T10:35:00.002-04:00

For those of you who don't know what a PUMA Democrat is, I'd like to introduce you to River Daughter. I hope she stops by here sometime, but I understand if that's unlikely. I was less than kind in my comment on her blog, but perhaps we can have a lucid conversation over here without the clutter of all her comments.

And a lot of comments she has. I think I hoped the PUMAs would relax after the convention, but it seems to have made them worse. I think I'm still confused on the core values of a PUMA (utter than an apparent and irreconcilable hatred for Barack Obama). I really hope they're just confused republicans. I hear a lot of "John McCain isn't so bad." Or "John McCain works well with democrats." That only used to be true, and it doesn't change the fact that he subscribes to Republican core values. There's a reason he isn't an independent or a democrat.

Anyway, I'm going to invite River Daughter here to share some of her views, and hopefully shed some light on this (in my opinion) disastrous movement. Give the republicans credit where it's due--the one thing they do better than democrats is unify, even when they don't want to, for the good of the party.

Get Registered Now

2008-09-15T09:51:00.003-04:00

It's come to my attention that I am NOT registered to vote. Well, I am, but at my former address. I'm pretty sure that it would be illegal for me to vote there if I didn't change it. So that's on my agenda for this afternoon: properly register to vote.

Massachusetts is a good state for registering in. You can do so up to 20 days before the election. Electoral-Vote.com alerted me to this fantastic site, DeclareYourself.com that tells you in detail what is required to be registered (on a state by state basis) and how to register.

So what are you waiting for?!

Tina Fey as Sarah Palin on SNL

2008-09-14T07:57:00.004-04:00

Saturday Night Live brings you the moment you've all been waiting for:

Tina Fey in a 5 minute skit as Sarah Palin. Thank you, SNL.

Raped in Wasilla?

2008-09-12T14:32:00.001-04:00

No problem. Sarah Palin will just send you a bill.

Dear John McCain

2008-09-12T11:33:00.001-04:00

STOP CHEATING IN OHIO

Click the link for an interesting story.

Also, let's talk about qualified VPs/Presidents:

Football Wrap Up

2008-09-10T08:31:00.003-04:00

I'll try and make this quick. Last week, I revealed my playoff picks. I'm thankful none of you made fun of me, but I understand that it's more likely my readership is down to 3 people, and perhaps a few pets when the owners leave for work. Anyway....

New York Jets
Denver Broncos
Pittsburgh Steelers
Dallas Cowboys
Arizona Cardinals
New Orleans Saints
Carolina Panthers
Philadelphia Eagles

Those are the teams I picked to make the playoffs that won in week one. The prospects of the Jets making the playoffs improved dramatically with the season ending injury to Tom Brady (When I said, "suck it, Tom Brady," I didn't mean suck it all the way to the IR).

I'm also pleased to report that, while still early, my Bears looked pretty good Sunday night. Matt Forte is the real deal, and it's been a while since Chicago could say that about their RB. Orton, while conservative, looked sharp. If the Bears can get a real WR, that offense might be in business.

Back to the Lighter Side of Television

2008-09-05T20:03:00.002-04:00

So, the new shows are starting, and the old ones are making their way back. I've got two reviews for you tonight--Prison Break, and 90210.

I should attach a disclaimer with my review of Prison Break. My wife and I were *really* into it for about half of the first season. As soon as they got all "conspiracy that goes all the way up to the Oval Office" on us, we were sorta like, "uhh, did this just instantly get retarded?" She abandoned the show completely, I felt compelled to see where it's going.

Every time I write about the show, I criticize it. Yet I still watch. It isn't a masterpiece, but there must be some appeal. After much thought, I've decided the plot of the show is NOT retarded, but the NAME of the show is. It has nothing to do with escaping from prison. It barely had anything to do with escaping from prison in the first two seasons. The escape(s) were more of a vehicle to advance the real plot, which is the Company (which would be one of my obvious suggestions for the title of the show). But I digress....

SPOILER ALERT---Beyond this point, I will freely discuss what happened last time.

Well, the show has always been predictably unpredicable. True to form, in the first 15 minutes, they kill off two main characters from last season, but only let you enjoy it for about 10 seconds, as it is revealed that they were double-secret probation agents. It goes downhill from there.

Every year, I think "this is the year this wretched show finally jumps the shark for me." I'll let you know how many episodes I make it this year, but I really, really think this is it for me. It's been a long, painful death. Oh, and for those interested, the love interest of the main character who was decapitated last season is now alive again, and all of the main characters, enemies and friends alike, have formed a crew to steal 6 high-end blackberries from the Company, break into Company headquarters, decode said blackberries, and take the bitches down. The sad thing is the author said he had the first 5 or 8 seasons mapped out, so this can only get stupider.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My 90210 review is much, much shorter. I saw about 5 of the last 15 minutes of the premiere. It looked every bit as retarded as I thought it would. I even felt bad for Shannon Dougherty and Jennie Garth. Talk about clinging to your career by a thread. If you enjoyed One Tree Hill and The OC, this show is for you. If you have intelligence higher than the average poo-flinging chimpanzee, it probably isn't for you.

Remember this guy?

2008-08-30T16:49:00.003-04:00

Hmmm....Wonder if any of the hard core Christians out there will draw their own conclusions from the fact that it was 70s, clear, and sunny at Obama's speech, and the Republican convention looks like this:

Undecided Voters

2008-08-30T11:02:00.003-04:00

The people who have made up their minds already, as Yogi Berra would so delicately put it, have made up their minds. You either believe the lies about either candidate or you don't, and no amount of irrefutable evidence will change your mind. It's just the way humans are built. For those of you who want to make up your minds, but don't know who to believe, this website is for you:

http://www.factcheck.org/

"But Ben, based on your previous posts, you're clearly a left-wing, communist, pinko, tree-huggin' hippie. How do I know that the above website isn't full of more of your crap?"

Well, you could do the logical thing and read up about their neutrality when it comes to these matters (unlikely...) or I could just casually mention that Dick Cheney (my arch-nemesis) touted them (albeit incorrectly) during the VP Debate of the last election.

They break down all of the major lies, truths, and advertisements from each candidate. It has made sorting through the dregs a lot easier.

Football, with a Dash of Politics

2008-08-29T11:29:00.006-04:00

I really wasn't going to blog about politics today. Just because last night I watched the equivalent of "I Have a Dream" or "Ask not what your country can do for you" of my lifetime, I was still willing to just let it simmer a day or two. Then McCain tapped his Vice. My initial thoughts were--"wow, smart pick." He's more or less guaranteed he'll pick up some of the idiots from the last post (or secure them). She also lends him a hint of lost Maverick, and an air of change. Then I read this:

Larry Kudlow of CNBC’s “Kudlow & Co.” asked her about the possibility of becoming McCain ticket mate. Palin replied: “[A]s for that V.P. talk all the time, I’ll tell you, I still can’t answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the V.P. does every day?"

So let me get this straight.....you're qualified for the position, but one month ago, you didn't know what the responsibilities were? I'm sure that quote won't make its way into any Obama/Biden ads (eye rolls). Someone already coined the term McCain/Palin, Trophy Wife/Trophy Vice '08.

More on this later. I have a lot to say of the revelations of the last few days. Football is less work right now. I intend to pick this year's playoff contenders and Super Bowl Champion. To be successful at such a feat, one must be very good at picking names of teams at random from a hat. First, your 2008 Division Winners:

AFC East
Drum roll please. Ladies and Gentlemen, J-E-T-S, JETS, JETS, JETS. Can you believe it? me neither.

AFC West
Denver Broncos

AFC South
Jacksonville Jaguars

AFC North
Pittsburgh Steelers

AFC WILD CARDS
San Diego Chargers
Indianapolis Colts

Let the insults ensue. Not only did the Jets win the east, the Pats missed the playoffs. Suck it, Tom Brady.

Now, on the the AFC Punching Bags...errr...the NFC.

NFC East
Dallas Cowboys (See, they aren't all shockers).

NFC West
Arizona Cardinals (Just most of them)

NFC South
New Orleans Saints

NFC North
Minnesota Vikings

NFC WILD CARDS
Carolina Panthers
Philadelphia Eagles

So who's in the big game, you ask? From the NFC, the Minnesota Vikings. From the AFC? Woof. Tough call. I'll go with the Broncos. And this year's super bowl winner (determined by the flip of a nearby nickel) is...............

The Denver Broncos. Congrats, Shanahan, Cutler, and the rest of the team.

OH! I almost forgot! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOHN MCCAIN! He's looking quite spry for 72 years young. Anyone know what the average male human life expectancy is off the top of their heads? What happens if he dies before the election?

One last edit. For anyone interested in reading a well-respected economist brutally rape and sodomize John McCain's economic position and promises, have a look at what Clive Cook had to say in his article today.

http://www.nationaljournal.com/njmagazine/wn_20080830_3947.php

Hat tip to www.electoral-vote.com for alerting me to it.

Attention PUMA Democrats

2008-08-28T13:54:00.002-04:00

You're idiots. All of you. Seriously.

I hope some of you show up to this blog, and leave a thoughtful, logical, lucid explanation on why you're voting for McCain. I have no beef with you if you're voting third party. I'm talking about you idiots that plan on voting for McCain, or writing in Hillary Clinton.

You donkeys are the ones who conceivably could give the W to McCain. Let's break this down real quick:

Hillary is for abortion rights, health care for everyone, equal pay for equal work, ending corporate tax breaks, cutting taxes for the middle and lower classes, and ending the war in Iraq. That more or less sums up three things:

The top of every democrat's wish list in a leader
The goals of Barack Obama and Joe Biden
Everything John McCain is against

Ever hear of the expression "cut off your nose to spite your face?"

I challenge you to explain why you plan on voting for McCain this fall. This is for Hillary supporters only--republicans can feel free to email me their views on why I should. Posts of that nature will be removed. At the end of the day, there can be ONLY three reasons why, as a democrat, you would choose McCain over Obama:

you're really a confused republican that does not share the core values of democrats
you're really stupid
you're really a racist, and you need to come to terms with that

Long Time No See!

2008-08-25T10:25:00.002-04:00

It's that time of year again. Perhaps my favorite time of year....new shows on television. (and football season). As far as I can tell, there are 21 new shows on the docket. Here's my expectations for each. More to come, once I get to see them.

1) 90210

Jesus, why can't this show and ones like it just die? People seriously watch Orange County and One Tree Hill enough to resurrect this dinosaur?

2) America's Toughest Jobs

Not for me, but I can see how it would have some appeal. I just wish they summed it up in a show instead of a season. See: Deadliest Catch.

3) Crusoe

"Hey, what's an action packed story we can adapt to fill a slot this fall?"

4) Do Not Disturb*

Take "The Office" and move it to a hotel in NYC run by a neurotic Jerry O'Connell and you might have something worth watching. Directed by Jason Bateman (who I always thought looked suspiciously like Jerry O'Connell).

5) Easy Money

This show looks so horrible I'm not going to even discuss it. It's on the CW, which is known for throwing shit against the wall and seeing what sticks (so far, just Reaper, which probably would be cancelled anywhere else).

6) Eleventh Hour

Think "Numbers" meets "House," without the interesting, charismatic characters. Super smart bio-physics guy hired by FBI to help them out before the trail goes cold. Yawn.

7) The Ex List

A Psychic tells a woman that she already dated "the one" and missed her chance. So like any rational human being, she believes the psychic and starts working back through her ex-boyfriends. Have you started punching yourself in the face yet? I have.

8) Fringe

Creater of "Lost" so it must be good, right? Well, I, for one, thought Lost was dumb. They're being secretive about this show, so expect more of the same. Plane lands, everyone dead, brilliant but institutionalized scientist enlisted to help, blah, blah blah. When will the American Public realize shows like this insult your intelligence.

9) Gary Unmarried

It's got a chance. Albeit an outside one. I do like Jay Mohr, and with a plot line like former wife marrying your former couples counselor, it's bound to reek of awkward comedy that's enjoyed these days. In the trailer, there's canned laughter, which more or less makes it unwatchable to me. I'll give it two views. Unless it conflicts with something more interesting.

10) In Harm's Way

From the guy who brought us "Dirty Jobs," and probably watched a lot of "Deadliest Catch," we get more recycled dreg.

11) Kath & Kim

An adaptation of a similar hit in Australia about a catty Mother and Daughter. Didn't already sound awesome? Stars Molly Shannon. I don't think I can think of anything worse. In other news, NBC sucks for trying to find info on their new shows. Their web execs should be fired.

12) Knight Rider

Are you #^%&*^g kidding me?

13) Life on Mars

Sweet! Another recycled idea! Hint to networks: If it doesn't work the first time....try again in 10 years, not one.

14) The Mentalist

"Psych is working out sweet for USA. We gotta get us some of that!" Coming across an original idea this fall is going to be challenging. Instead of pretending to be psychic and solving crimes through observation, he admits to formerly being a phony psychic who is now a detective that solves crimes through observation. Psych just looks like more fun. I'll stick to that.

15) My Own Worst Enemy

Starring Christian Slater, it sounds an awful lot like total recall. Spy's memory erased, parts come back, ends up with two egos fighting each other. It did have one of the more compelling trailers I've endured. I'll give it a watch and let you know how it turns out.

16) Opportunity Knocks

Everyone is trying to find the next hit game show. This one involves them invading your home (and your neighbors). I can't even watch whatever the one is with Howie Mandel, and the host of Opportunity Knocks isn't half as interesting (not that Howie is very interesting).

17) Privileged

Watching the preview for this show made me hate my life.

18) Stylista

More America's Top Model/America's Top Designer/America's Produced By Tyra Banks Who Never Had An Original Idea In Her Lifetime.

19) Surviving Suburbia

CW's best bet this fall, starring Bob Saget. It's a case study on what people in suburbia want you to think their life is like, contrasted with Bob's son wanting to schtoop the twice-pregnant teen down the street, a lawsuit by new neighbors, and his own daughter going through puberty. Did I mention one of the new neighbors is a hot 17 year old? Smells like a winner.

20) Valentine

I'm going to give this one a chance because it's from the producer of Reaper, but it sounds pretty stupid. Basically the Gods of Olympus walk among us and help us find our soul mates. In times of Speed Dating and IMs, their power is weakening. So they enlist the help of a mortal romance novelist who absolutely and blindly believes in true love, though sucks with her own relationships. I'll give it two episodes, so the leash is pretty short. The premise is so crappy, even if it turns out to be a good show it'll likely be cancelled. (See: Carpoolers)

21) Worst Week

Looks like a big pile of suck. About a guy who goes out of his way to impress his girlfriends parents and always makes things worse. The good news is the future father-in-law is Red from "That 70s Show." He can always make an asshole feel like A REAL ASSHOLE. I'll give it a chance. Probably just one.

Not much new comedy, not many new ideas, and a strangely re-occuring theme of Suburbia. I guess that's the new "in" setting. I know there are more new shows than this, but these are the only ones I've found that are official. As they become official, I'll give my takes on others. Or as I watch them. Whichever comes first. Thoughts?

Oh, and speaking of Crap that People Inexplicably loved, does anyone know if Kyle XY is still on the air?

Hillary's Scare Ad

2008-03-03T11:54:00.002-05:00

Greatest response ever....I wish Obama could make something like this without offending voters.

John McCain said WHAT?!

2008-02-18T08:41:00.002-05:00

Ok, I remember his gook slur, but this is almost more offensive (not really, but Janet Reno, Hillary Clinton, and Chelsea Clinton didn't hold him captive and torture him for 5 years to the best of my knowledge).

"Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly?
Because her father is Janet Reno."

Full story here:

http://www.salon.com/news/1998/06/25newsb.html

Wow.

Yes We Can

2008-02-04T10:03:00.000-05:00

And I'm going to start my part tomorrow at the voting booth.

Dead Pool

2008-01-04T12:08:00.000-05:00

www.jruppert.com/deathpool.htm

Anyone want in?

Holiday Gift Ideas

2007-12-17T13:44:00.000-05:00

So you need something affordable for the Christmas and Holiday season? Marblehead Vintage Photography has the answer!

Order your loved one a customized coloring book! Send 20 photographs to ben@marbleheadvintagephotography.com (or drop them off at the studio if you are local) and for $20 I'll turn it into a beautiful coloring book, just like the images displayed here!

The books are spiral bound and durable! I can accept checks, cash, and all major credit cards. Call and place your order today!

Marblehead Vintage Photography
122 Washington Street
Marblehead, MA, 01945
781.631.3600
www.marbleheadvintagephotography.com

You can also mail 20 photographs to me, and I can scan them. Mailed photographs will be returned with the order. If you aren't picking up at the studio, please add $5 for shipping and handling.

Thank you, and Happy Holidays!

Ben McKnight,
Owner

Santa Clause is Coming to Town!

2007-12-01T15:40:00.000-05:00

Santa (the same one that comes in on the barge) will be in the studio on December 8th and 9th from 11:30 AM to 1:30 PM. Kids are welcome to come and tell him what they want for Christmas, and nobody leaves without a candy cane!

Parents can get an 8x10 or two 5x7s of their child with Santa for $10! If one photo isn't enough, packages are available (and prices are 25% off for the holidays)!

We can also accommodate all of your Christmas Card needs! See you next weekend!

So it's been a while...

2007-11-26T13:31:00.000-05:00

Where to start? Thanksgiving was exhausting. Fun, but exhausting.

Those of you who know me (providing anyone still visits this blog. Sitemeter swears I still get 7 hits a day, but that just can't be true) know the new shows are one of my favorite things to critique. There's a pattern, though, that's become clear. Here are the highlights:

Every year, I try to get excited about Prison Break. Every year, I lose interest in under 5 episodes. This season, I watched ever episode. Despite being uninterested. For some reason, I felt obligated to stomach my way through it.
Every year, I get really excited about 5 or 6 new shows. Every year, I realize I was horribly wrong about 3 of those shows, and 2 more are awesome, but the American public is too stupid to see their brilliance and they get canceled. Basically, I adopt 1 new show per year.
So this year, here's what my Tivo looked like--new shows only. K-Ville, Bionic Woman, Carpoolers, Chuck, Reaper, Pushing Daisies.

I'm pleased to report I was only horribly wrong about 2 shows this year. K-Ville and Bionic Woman were duds. I love Anthony Anderson, but it was hard to take a show about Post-Katrina New Orleans Vice seriously when there were only a couple of cajun accents on the show, and they were poorly executed. I finally gave up on it two weeks ago (and replaced with Samantha Who? The jury is still out, but i've been mildly entertained so far, which is a good sign for coming in half way into the season).

Bionic woman was just dumb. I had high hopes, but the eye-candy isn't great, the acting is poor, and the writing is stupid.

Carpoolers is on my brilliant but to be canceled list. It's written and produced by Bruce McCullough, formerly of Kids in the Hall. Needless to say, it's hilarious. Needless to say, the humor flies right over the head of the average American viewer. Hopefully it's caught on in Canada.

Chuck and Reaper aren't outstanding, but they are funny and catchy. I think they'll stick around. Both have the elements of a franchise show.

Pushing Daisies is the best new show this year. If you like Tim Burton (which is probably 1% of the viewing audience), you'll love this show. Long story short is it's a very clever love story. The pie-maker has the ability to bring the dead back to life, but if he touches the same person again they die, and this time forever. If he does not touch them again, someone in the vicinity dies in their place. He brings his childhood sweetheart back to life, and they fall in love, but can never touch. Neat, eh? Bout time someone came up with an original Romeo and Juliet idea....oh, wait.

Finally, my business is now open. The website is www.marbleheadvintagephotography.com. Be a gem and link it to your blog, will ya?

This might be the funniest thing I've ever seen...

2007-09-28T18:09:00.000-04:00

Subdivision

2007-09-27T09:53:00.001-04:00

white people are so scared of black people
they bulldoze out to the country
and put up houses on little loop-dee-loop streets
and while america gets its heart cut right out of its chest
the berlin wall still runs down main street
separating east side from west
and nothing is stirring, not even a mouse
in the boarded-up stores and the broken-down houses
so they hang colorful banners off all the street lamps
just to prove they got no manners
no mercy and no sense

and i'm wondering what it will take
for my city to rise
first we admit our mistakes
then we open our eyes
the ghosts of old buildings are haunting parking lots
in the city of good neighbors that history forgot

i remember the first time i saw someone
lying on the cold street
i thought: i can't just walk past here
this can't just be true
but i learned by example
to just keep moving my feet
it's amazing the things that we all learn to do

so we're led by denial like lambs to the slaughter
serving empires of style and carbonated sugar water
and the old farm road's a four-lane that leads to the mall
and our dreams are all guillotines waiting to fall

i'm wondering what it will take
for my country to rise
first we admit our mistakes
and then we open our eyes
or nature succumbs to one last dumb decision
and america the beautiful
is just one big subdivision


--Ani DiFranco

This is Great

2007-08-13T21:46:00.000-04:00

Things are pretty shitty for a young calf...Lions...Crocodiles....Fortunately, his friends return with the cavalry.

Michael Vick

2007-08-10T09:18:00.000-04:00

McGruff The Crime Dog Attacks Michael Vick

Anyone out there?

2007-08-07T14:17:00.001-04:00

I'm probably talking to myself at this point, since I haven't posted in a few months. My once mighty fan base has likely collapsed to a meager few--to those few, I thank you.

Where to start? Football? Television? The business? The kids?

I've been a busy boy. Building a business from the ground up sucks. I'm not going to lie about that. But it does come with two caveats:

1) It beats the hell out of working for the demon spawn of Osama bin Laden and Hitler who replaced my manager at my former place of employment.

2) Someday, it's going to be well worth the horse pucky.

I think I'll be profitable by Christmas 2008, and have my hefty business loans paid back by 2009--certainly no later than 2010.

Television is a limited in the summer for me. I always catch Hell's Kitchen, and this past week was Shark Week on the discovery channel. Stupid people serving themselves up as dinner is always entertaining. Two primary examples:

1) Chick who went swimming in a former meat plant's dumping bay. Gooooooood idea.
2) Two guys standing waste deep surrounded by 12 bull sharks. Not two seconds after one of them made a point to say they were not remotely interested in them, he got his calf bitten off.

Kids are a challenge. Thomas is two. He acts like he is two. It sorta comes with the territory. He's also become kinda whiny, so we are being careful not to pay attention to him during the fits, or bend to whatever it is that he wants. Ethan, thankfully, has become more independent. He's crawling, so he isnt frustrated as much. Thank God.

Let's round things out with football. The Bears had an awesome draft, they signed their young players to long term deals, they jettisoned a turd, and Grossman has been sharp in camp. Needless to say, many reasons for optimism. I'd say the playoffs are a lock, and they've got a reasonable chance to get back to the big one.

Listening to right now:

The Cure

Listening to a lot lately:

Any arrested development after the first album. These guys just dont get enough credit for being super awesome.

Help me out here...

2007-06-21T17:09:00.000-04:00

Don't ask me why, but I was watching the Oxygen Network the other night. They were doing a special, the 50 Funniest Women Alive. The list was insulting at best--ranking Ellen Degeneres at #1, and to the best of my knowledge, leaving Phyllis Diller off the list entirely.

So give me your top 20. You can even do two, one alive, one all-time.

These are in no order--just my ideas for the all-time list:

Lucille Ball
Phyllis Diller
Carol Burnett
Gilda Radner
Joan Rivers
Whoopi Goldberg
Roseanne

That should get you started. If anyone still visits, please chime in.

HTML test

2007-06-09T10:34:00.001-04:00

Robbed

2007-06-07T15:36:00.001-04:00

Wouldn't ya know, some asshole has discovered my credit card number and ran up a bill. I wish chickenshit thieves would limit the people they rob to those with money. Like I have time to deal with this crap, raise two kids (who now must wait a couple days for formula--thanks, prick), AND start a new business.

If anyone can get a hold of a surveillance tape at Macy's in Mason, OH from yesterday at 1:25 PM, I'd be real interested in seeing it...and suspending my pacifist beliefs for a few hours while I work the guy over.

2007-06-07T15:31:00.001-04:00

2007-06-07T15:17:00.001-04:00

What are the chances....

2007-05-17T19:57:00.000-04:00

If any of my old YCP chums still read this, you're about to be wowed, awestruck, then giggle yourself into absurdity.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/area_man_lives_vicariously

Secrets

2007-05-10T15:16:00.001-04:00

Another Gem

2007-04-21T06:00:00.000-04:00

For those of you who also cannot wait for football season, here's a little gem:

On the eve of my greatest success (impregnating my wife was pretty easy, and the kids aren't raised to adulthood yet, so they don't count), showcasing some of the NFL's greatest failures seems appropriate.

Stardom

2007-04-20T00:17:00.000-04:00

"So you want to be a rock 'n roll star, well listen now to what I say....
Just get an electric guitar, take some time, learn how to play...."

Ladies and gentlemen, all systems are a go. Lease is signed, I move in this weekend. I have no idea when I'll get the signs hung (hanged?), but I should have brochures soon. Business cards are in, a huge shipment from Staples arrived today, I haven't slept in about four months, and I've hooked up the coffee IV.

Hopefully, the months of hemorrhaging money are about to pay off in a big way. The website, though far from complete, is www.marbleheadvintagephotography.com. There's a good chance my blog will move there, so you might want to check it out. That is, providing anyone still reads my poor neglected blog. I know I have a couple faithfuls out there, (Nic, Blue) and I really appreciate that.

Random Fun Fact of the Wee Hours of the Morning:

Jim Carrey's In Living Color skit parodying Vanilla Ice is one of the most hilarious moments in Jim Carrey History.

Updates on where the hell I've been

2007-04-16T07:28:00.000-04:00

Starting a business is fun. And by "fun," I really mean "not fun." Thankfully, I have faith it will get better.

Signs overhanging the front and side doors, as well as one that will be on the side of the building out on the main street have been created.

Phone lines will be installed today.

Clothing and props have been purchased.

A 20-page business plan has been written.

Lawyers have gone to battle of lease terms.

The website will be functional this week (keep checking www.marbleheadvintagephotography.com).

Frame samples have been ordered.

Newspapers have been contacted.

Insurance, business and personal, has been purchased.

Ad spots have been purchased.

Partnerships have been formed.

I'm sick as a dog, probably from stress and long hours. And hemorrhaging money. Grand opening, complete with Mayor and Ribbon Cutting are May 4th at 5:30 PM. Wine and cheese will be provided. If any of you live in the Boston area, you're certainly welcome. I should be selling already in a week and a half though.

Nose to the grindstone, shoulder to the wheel.

Fair well, old friend, and farewell.

2007-04-12T04:46:00.000-04:00

Until next we meet, thank you for being an inspiration. I wish our president read more of your books.

Listen Up....

2007-04-06T00:33:00.000-04:00

All of you should go to eBay right now. Look up item #150107865719.

I'm pretty sure the quotation was supposed to contain at least one more word, but unfortunately (fortunately) that's not the case.

2007-04-03T09:02:00.002-04:00

A concerning letter

2007-04-02T08:03:00.000-04:00

Dear eBay Morons:

I'm bidding against you a lot lately. I thought I'd share my secret with you, so you too can get very good deals like me. The secret is in the time remaining....

Allow me to explain: If you bid on something, and it has six and a half days left, all you get is the satisfaction of being the highest bidder for a little while. Then some other moron, such as yourself, comes along and continues to run up the price. For example:

Say you're bidding on a clock with 6 days remaining. You can watch the item, so you don't lose it, or you can bid $20. Being the moron that you are, you bid $20. Congratulations, this is now the very cheapest you can have this for, if a miracle happens. Moron #2 comes along, bids $40 later that day. Not to be outdone, you come back the next day with $60. By the last 30 seconds of the auction, you and superdummy have now run the tab up to $250.

Imagine, if you will, what would have happened if you didn't place your first bid until the last minute of the auction. You've had 6 days to look at the clock, and you decide it's worth $100 to you. With 30 seconds left, no one has bid. You enter your max bid of $100. Dummy #2 is entering his bid as well. He figures no one is going to bid, so he tries to steal it for $20 or $30.

Congrats. You are now the proud owner of a clock for $31. By not being a twit, I just saved you $219. Now if you would only read this....

If I were God...

2007-03-25T07:44:00.000-04:00

I've been so busy lately, this blog has lost it's sense of humor. All that changes today, folks. The name of this segment is "If I were God..."

Clearly, God has a sense of humor. Look at the giraffe or the platypus. Think of some of your past relationships. Think about a silent fart in a crowded room. These are examples of God's humor on a level we can understand. Of course, I believe God is so infinitely complex, there are a bunch of jokes that go right over our heads. He's a wiley ol' prankster, though, that's for sure.

So here's the challenge. Come up with 10 things you would do if you were God for a day. None of this "end world hunger" crap, either. Yes, if given the opportunity, I'm sure we'd all make the world a better place. That isn't what this is about. It's about making this world a funnier place. Here's what I've come up with:

When every someone sneezes, they fart at an equal loudness simultaneously.
If you're lost and need directions, you can only ask using your ass, a la Jim Carrey in Ace Ventura.
Instead of shaking hands, people will exchange crotch kicks.
Anyone that's hungry will speak in utter jibberish until they eat.
"Get a Life" would be in it's 17th season.
Any guy who purchases a Hummer or a car over $60,000 would have to have a bumper sticker displaying the length of their manhood.
Everyone I've ever disliked would experience a violent outbreak of oral herpes once a month.
The act of peeing would be three times as loud, and four times as long as the current process.
For each dollar a lawyer overcharges, he has to live a month in the ghetto.
Every August 30th*, anyone who has ever had butt sex will have to walk around for 24 hours with their hand raised.

Why August 30th you ask? It's my brother's birthday, and I'm sure that would make every birthday for the rest of his life hilarious. It's my gift to you, Dave.

2007-03-24T13:15:00.001-04:00

A very cool turn of events....

2007-03-22T08:13:00.000-04:00

Remember that perfect spot I picked out for the Shop? I got it.

Turns out whoever stole it out from under me wanted to sell something that was a conflict of interest with one of the landlord's other tenants. Turns out they had a clause in their lease that says they can put the kibash on any schmuck who wants to sell what they sell. They nixed the whole thing.

Back on track--that is, moving way to fast for my level of comfort, but not fast enough for the level in my bank account.

Hiatus

2007-03-19T14:49:00.000-04:00

As most of you have noticed, I'm on hiatus for a bit.

The studio's grand opening is starting to gain legs, and most of my time has been dedicated to grinding out the business plan, marketing plan, cash flow projections, small business meetings, lawyers, and selecting a location.

I had picked out the perfect spot and put in a bid for a lease. Unfortunately, the property owner received an offer from a previous tenant (a good tenant) for the same money and an extra year on the term. Disappointing as that may be, I've moved on to plan B (and C, and D, and E), so I should be able to print out some business cards and start marketing in early April.

That's the long and short of it. I'll resume posting as soon as I'm able. For now, there's simply too much on my plate.

Hope everyone had a great St. Patty's!

Crossing the line

2007-03-10T21:18:00.000-05:00

While I tend to shy away from religious posts, it's almost Easter and I want some feedback. The question of the day:

"What is our responsibility, as parents, friends, human beings, whatever, to influencing another person's spirituality?"

A friend of mine recently had a rant. One of the points she makes is that she doesn't want her mother-in-law cramming religion down her kids throats. My question is, by not exposing her kids to her in-law's beliefs, is she cramming her own beliefs down their throats?

My parents never forced me to believe anything, and as a result, I didn't believe anything for a long time. Eventually, though, I think basic humanity kicks in and we embark on a passage of self-discovery. Probably sometime around that first philosophy course in high school or college.

Anyway, here is my edited response to her post:

-------------------------------------------------------

Food for thought--by *not* exposing your children to your mother-in-laws views, aren't you sort of cramming your beliefs down their throat? It's a delicate balance--I hope I can walk the fine line my parents did. This might get lengthy, but here's the basic time line of my spiritual awakening:

1) I went to a church as soon as I was old enough to understand the concepts. Eventually, once I got into it, I started asking questions in Sunday School. Naturally, when the questions got too complex, the teacher defaulted to "you just have to have faith." Even as a 10 year old, my bullshit detector was going off the charts.

2) Once I expressed my malcontent with the non-answers and question avoidance I was getting, my parents said I no longer had to attend. And so begins my journey towards atheism.

3) Sometime around 17ish, I had the sudden realization that it requires every bit as much faith to be an atheist as it did to be a card-carrying member of any religious party. This posed a serious moral dilemma. Suddenly, my spiritual compass takes a severe left hand turn towards the agnostic.

4) After failing out of my first attempt at college (uhh, yeah, going from all-boys boarding school with very strict rules to "sure, bring a beer to your 8 am class, or don't come at all if you don't feel like it" didn't go over so well), I did some soul-searching as a ranch hand on the Mexican border. After experiencing what could only be described as a miracle, I returned to church, got baptized, and got back on the path to Monotheism.

5) Every church I went to managed to offend me within about 3 Sundays. One thing every Monotheistic religion teaches is that if it's truly the "Word of God," you'd feel it in your heart. All I felt were liars and charlatans. That's when it dawned on me that the Bible is 98% fiction, as I suspected years before. I haven't bothered with church since.

6) So where did I go from there? Why, I made my own religion, of course. I believe in a higher power. Call it God, call it Allah, call it Mother Nature or Mother Earth, call it what you will. There is a guiding force greater than me. And it guides *me*. My relationship with God is strictly one on one. I don't feel compelled to sell it to anyone else. I trust my instincts and listen to my heart. And I pray. I don't pray for miracles, or for a better life, or for the sins of others--I pray for guidance. And I've never been turned down unanswered. Is it just the act of sitting down and thinking about what's troubling you? Perhaps--but I always figure out a better way to do something than how I'm doing it now. And I sure as hell don't judge ANYBODY. I've got enough of my own problems to worry about.

"Ben, where the fuck are you going with all this," you ask?

My longwinded point is that I needed exposure to a shitload of different experiences before I found my own sense of spirituality. I didn't even mention dabbling in Judaism, Muslim, Hindi, etc, when I was looking for what was right for me.

I know I don't get a vote, but I say send the kids off once or twice with mummy dearest. She'll be tickled, and kids are smart. It won't do any harm. They'll come back with questions, certainly. You can always say "that's what grandma thinks is true." They'll ask what you think is true, and you can tell them. And when you're done, you can tell them life is a quest of self-discovery, and deciding for yourself what you believe. When they're older, you won't believe how much more they love you for letting them make the choice.

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Sorry Friends,

2007-03-09T22:14:00.000-05:00

I know I've neglected you lately. I can honestly say I've been really, really busy. I've barely had time to puke up a unclear, half-assed post from time to time. Between children, family emergencies (meaning Ray), writing a business plan, and scrapping up enough capital to get the damned thing off the ground, it hasn't been much fun this week.

That said, after writing this post, I'm off to visit all of you. I'll catch up on what I've missed, and leave comments where appropriate. I hate it when I lose readers, and I'm sure I've got a bunch of friends who are pissed that I quit coming by. Or relieved. Anyway, I'm about to go find out.

Name My Business

2007-03-07T17:41:00.000-05:00

I've picked out a location. It's right between an Ice Cream Parlor, a toy store, and a muffin shop. I need a name, so bounce your ideas off me.

The theme will be antique and contemporary photography, focusing mainly on children. By antique, I mean this:

The names I'm leaning towards are Memories of Marblehead or Milestones of Marblehead. Vote for one of those, or submit another. We're not married to the names, yet.

If you're interested in investing, email me at bcmcknight77@comcast.net.

Christina Hardaway, Revisited

2007-03-06T23:01:00.000-05:00

Some of you may recall a fairly shameless plu g I posted last year for a friend. I urged you, if you ever wanted to give to a deserving stranger, there was no one I could think of more worthy than Christina.

One of my earliest memories is the day she almost kicked my ass in high school. I had pissed off her brother, probably by being the jerk I was in high school, and he turned her loose on me. Fortunately, it didn't escallate. Though I was a man of honor who refused to strike a woman, I'm pretty sure she could kick my ass anyway.

Many years ago, Christina was diagnosed with cancer. Doctors gave her two months to live. Many years later, I had a chance to visit her. She had transformed like a butterfly.

The Christina I sat with last summer was an old soul. She was gentle and kind, and a loving mother who was blessed enough to see her boy growing up for years when doctors gave her days.

I wish this story had a happier ending, I really do. It is with a heavy heart that I said goodbye today. Christina passed this afternoon, leaving behind a beautiful son, two loving brothers, a sister, her parents, and her grandmother. Rest easy, Christina. I'm sure you are very tired, and you've earned your peace after this battle inside you. Thanks for leaving me a little softer than if I had never known you.

Say a little prayer for the rest of the Hardaways tonight. Christina is finally free.

I'm tired...

2007-03-05T23:08:00.000-05:00

Just spent a couple days with the in-laws, so I'll be brief:

Heroes continues to blow. I'm done with it.
The Black Donnellys went from "cool with potential" to "hour-long suckfest."
The Bears traded a great running back for a bag of cheetos (and kept their suck RB)
They are also about to lose an awesome OLB.
ProFootballTalk insists the Bears are high on a TE who can't block.

Yeah, not a great day. The good news is I've just about wrapped up my business plan, and I've got a good beat on a location that's damned close to ideal. A little pricey, but not bad at all. I'll let you know how it turns out--hopefully this week.

Lunar Eclipse Photos

2007-03-03T18:52:00.000-05:00

Luckily, I found my tripod. Here's some shots of the moon just after the full eclipse, for any other astronomy geeks out there.

Conditions were less than ideal, I was rushed, and my battery eventually died, but all in all I'm pretty pleased. Enjoy!

My Kid's Mohawk

2007-03-03T14:33:00.000-05:00

Three months old--ridiculous.

Lunar Eclipse Tomorrow

2007-03-02T12:48:00.001-05:00

For geeks like me, this is pretty cool. It hasn't happened in a few years, but we get to double down this year. Once tomorrow, starting at 3:18 PM EST, and once again in August.

The full Lunar Eclipse will happen at 5:44. We expect reasonable weather here tomorrow, so I should have photographs for those of you in Alaska, Eastern Australia, and New Zealand that won't get to see it.

The moon won't rise here until after the eclipse has started, but I'll try to get shots of it from the time it is visible until the eclipse is over.

If I missed anything, you can read about it here. God, I'm such a loser sometimes...

2007-03-01T21:15:00.001-05:00

Effective Advertising

2007-03-01T16:01:00.000-05:00

Reagan's war on drugs was one of the worst miscalculations in the history of the anti-drug crusades. The money was a waste, and the anti-drug commercials that came out of the 80s were laughable then, and the subject of parody now.

TheTruth.com is changing that. Every ad I've seen from them has been a home run in my book. They don't specifically try to target children, which is smart. It has made all the ads more universal as a result. This one is running now, and I think its my favorite so far:

Any of you have favorite advertisements that you feel are particularly effective? Send me a you tube link and I'll put it up below.