Thursday, June 01, 2006

Porn spammers are getting smarter

It just has to be a lucrative industry. I'd say I probably get 50 pieces of spam every day, at least 10% of which are related to porn or making my penis larger. Usually, they aren't that hard to spot and I just delete them. I have a feeling I'm the exception though, or I wouldn't still get subject lines such as:

vlagra will change your life!
make your peenys mucho large!

Some jackass is opening these. Otherwise they'd find new marketing techniques--like the one I got today at myspace from 'savit.' I assume the clever screen name is supposed to subliminally inspire me to 'save it.' It reads as follows:

Hey Ben!

I don't mean to bother you.. I just moved out here around Marblehead for work a couple of weeks ago. It sucks cuz I don't know AnYBoDY out here ;(. My friends back home suggested I start a myspace and look for people in my area. I just started today so here I am! :D

Well I'm lookin to meet a guy and you are pretty cute Hehe. About me... Well I'm 24, single, and I love to have fun. I'm into older men. Since you're cute and 29, you fit the profile! LoL

I just started this myspace stuff today so my profile is pretty thin to say the least. If you wanna see some of my pix, I have a homepage @ houseofvicky.com/kris - there's a bunch of photos and stuff... I also left you a PeRSoNaL message on the front page so come check it out k?

XoXo KriSty


It starts innocently enough. She ended up in Massachusetts for the same reason I did. I don't know if they had someone (or a well-designed program) research me, but she immediately made the connection (accidently or not) that we have something in common. She also mentioned MARBLEHEAD (specifically), which is not a densely-populated area. This suggested to me that it could very well be legit--she didn't say Boston, which is far more all-encompassing to this area.

It's a lot more patient than your normal, run-of-the-mill spam porn (sporn). I grew suspicious in the second paragraph, but even that displayed some patience. She kicks things off with a compliment, playing to the ego. She still doesn't make the sales pitch.

Finally, the closer comes in the SECOND line of the last paragraph. The website address even seems innocent enough, but I'm definitely wise to the game at this point. The website bears someone's name other than her own, which is a clear sign of sporn for even the most uneducated rookie. She tries to cover with the /kris at the end, but we know better.

My intelligence wasn't insulted until I read there was a "PeRSoNaL message" for me. Have a look--there isn't anything graphic on page 1--and that's as far as I got. Explore beyond that at your own risk.

All in all, I think it's a brave leap for the sporn industry. It was articulate, grammatically correct for the most part, and seemingly genuine for the majority of the sporn. Color me impressed!

So, there ya go, Kristy. You may not have got me, but you did earn a free plug for your Web site by creating a non-offensive, well-thought spamming.

Update: As promised, here is the link to the Onion's commentary about the idiot who thinks her baby just might be the anti-Christ.

8 comments:

Robert said...

The most clever thing they've done is to start sending spam as comments on blogs.

Dave said...

when i read the "what do you think" comments from the onion, i was laughing so hard, i was in tears...

Terry Godfrey said...

men suffer from a terrible condition called premature ejaculation now there is a solution

Ben said...

Woot! I got my first piece of Spam! He must not have seen that we are already aware of the terrible condition--and it was, in fact, a possible name for my unborn--It's still a toss up between that and "Last Longer McKnight."

Dave said...

I just read the premature ejaculation link terry put up, and again, i was laughing so hard, i was in tears...

first off, the product they are selling is called "the ejaculation emperor"

two, it cost less than the price of
"a cheap date" no more floozies for me!

three... i love the way the ad refers to it's clientel. "If these sessions are everything premature ejaculators say they are, I will blah blah blah..." sentences like this happen no less than 15 times in the ad.

4- there is a photo of some dude, who is either the owner of the buisness, or a rampant premature ejaculator, who creams his pants just by touching bush. but the photo is really poor quality! it's like it was printed on a piece of computer paper, then someone folded it up, so it could fit in an envelope, then someone sat on it for a couple of days, after spilling diet mr pibb on it, or whatever all those premature ejaculators drink

5...at the very bottom, it lets you know there will be complete and total privacy, then immediately starts rambling off names, location, and age of all their known premature ejaculators

Lady D said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Lady D said...

Ok lets be honest my husband wasn't being innocent in anyway. Young sweet girl who think old men are cute. Come on Ben! Your a horny, dirty old man who needs to keep it in his pants or your going to need that product....

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