Clearly, God has a sense of humor. Look at the giraffe or the platypus. Think of some of your past relationships. Think about a silent fart in a crowded room. These are examples of God's humor on a level we can understand. Of course, I believe God is so infinitely complex, there are a bunch of jokes that go right over our heads. He's a wiley ol' prankster, though, that's for sure.
So here's the challenge. Come up with 10 things you would do if you were God for a day. None of this "end world hunger" crap, either. Yes, if given the opportunity, I'm sure we'd all make the world a better place. That isn't what this is about. It's about making this world a funnier place. Here's what I've come up with:
- When every someone sneezes, they fart at an equal loudness simultaneously.
- If you're lost and need directions, you can only ask using your ass, a la Jim Carrey in Ace Ventura.
- Instead of shaking hands, people will exchange crotch kicks.
- Anyone that's hungry will speak in utter jibberish until they eat.
- "Get a Life" would be in it's 17th season.
- Any guy who purchases a Hummer or a car over $60,000 would have to have a bumper sticker displaying the length of their manhood.
- Everyone I've ever disliked would experience a violent outbreak of oral herpes once a month.
- The act of peeing would be three times as loud, and four times as long as the current process.
- For each dollar a lawyer overcharges, he has to live a month in the ghetto.
- Every August 30th*, anyone who has ever had butt sex will have to walk around for 24 hours with their hand raised.