Long Time No See!

It's that time of year again. Perhaps my favorite time of year....new shows on television. (and football season). As far as I can tell, there are 21 new shows on the docket. Here's my expectations for each. More to come, once I get to see them.

1) 90210

Jesus, why can't this show and ones like it just die? People seriously watch Orange County and One Tree Hill enough to resurrect this dinosaur?

2) America's Toughest Jobs

Not for me, but I can see how it would have some appeal. I just wish they summed it up in a show instead of a season. See: Deadliest Catch.

3) Crusoe

"Hey, what's an action packed story we can adapt to fill a slot this fall?"

4) Do Not Disturb*

Take "The Office" and move it to a hotel in NYC run by a neurotic Jerry O'Connell and you might have something worth watching. Directed by Jason Bateman (who I always thought looked suspiciously like Jerry O'Connell).

5) Easy Money

This show looks so horrible I'm not going to even discuss it. It's on the CW, which is known for throwing shit against the wall and seeing what sticks (so far, just Reaper, which probably would be cancelled anywhere else).

6) Eleventh Hour

Think "Numbers" meets "House," without the interesting, charismatic characters. Super smart bio-physics guy hired by FBI to help them out before the trail goes cold. Yawn.

7) The Ex List

A Psychic tells a woman that she already dated "the one" and missed her chance. So like any rational human being, she believes the psychic and starts working back through her ex-boyfriends. Have you started punching yourself in the face yet? I have.

8) Fringe

Creater of "Lost" so it must be good, right? Well, I, for one, thought Lost was dumb. They're being secretive about this show, so expect more of the same. Plane lands, everyone dead, brilliant but institutionalized scientist enlisted to help, blah, blah blah. When will the American Public realize shows like this insult your intelligence.

9) Gary Unmarried

It's got a chance. Albeit an outside one. I do like Jay Mohr, and with a plot line like former wife marrying your former couples counselor, it's bound to reek of awkward comedy that's enjoyed these days. In the trailer, there's canned laughter, which more or less makes it unwatchable to me. I'll give it two views. Unless it conflicts with something more interesting.

10) In Harm's Way

From the guy who brought us "Dirty Jobs," and probably watched a lot of "Deadliest Catch," we get more recycled dreg.

11) Kath & Kim

An adaptation of a similar hit in Australia about a catty Mother and Daughter. Didn't already sound awesome? Stars Molly Shannon. I don't think I can think of anything worse. In other news, NBC sucks for trying to find info on their new shows. Their web execs should be fired.

12) Knight Rider

Are you #^%&*^g kidding me?

13) Life on Mars

Sweet! Another recycled idea! Hint to networks: If it doesn't work the first time....try again in 10 years, not one.

14) The Mentalist

"Psych is working out sweet for USA. We gotta get us some of that!" Coming across an original idea this fall is going to be challenging. Instead of pretending to be psychic and solving crimes through observation, he admits to formerly being a phony psychic who is now a detective that solves crimes through observation. Psych just looks like more fun. I'll stick to that.

15) My Own Worst Enemy

Starring Christian Slater, it sounds an awful lot like total recall. Spy's memory erased, parts come back, ends up with two egos fighting each other. It did have one of the more compelling trailers I've endured. I'll give it a watch and let you know how it turns out.

16) Opportunity Knocks

Everyone is trying to find the next hit game show. This one involves them invading your home (and your neighbors). I can't even watch whatever the one is with Howie Mandel, and the host of Opportunity Knocks isn't half as interesting (not that Howie is very interesting).

17) Privileged

Watching the preview for this show made me hate my life.

18) Stylista

More America's Top Model/America's Top Designer/America's Produced By Tyra Banks Who Never Had An Original Idea In Her Lifetime.

19) Surviving Suburbia

CW's best bet this fall, starring Bob Saget. It's a case study on what people in suburbia want you to think their life is like, contrasted with Bob's son wanting to schtoop the twice-pregnant teen down the street, a lawsuit by new neighbors, and his own daughter going through puberty. Did I mention one of the new neighbors is a hot 17 year old? Smells like a winner.

20) Valentine

I'm going to give this one a chance because it's from the producer of Reaper, but it sounds pretty stupid. Basically the Gods of Olympus walk among us and help us find our soul mates. In times of Speed Dating and IMs, their power is weakening. So they enlist the help of a mortal romance novelist who absolutely and blindly believes in true love, though sucks with her own relationships. I'll give it two episodes, so the leash is pretty short. The premise is so crappy, even if it turns out to be a good show it'll likely be cancelled. (See: Carpoolers)

21) Worst Week

Looks like a big pile of suck. About a guy who goes out of his way to impress his girlfriends parents and always makes things worse. The good news is the future father-in-law is Red from "That 70s Show." He can always make an asshole feel like A REAL ASSHOLE. I'll give it a chance. Probably just one.

Not much new comedy, not many new ideas, and a strangely re-occuring theme of Suburbia. I guess that's the new "in" setting. I know there are more new shows than this, but these are the only ones I've found that are official. As they become official, I'll give my takes on others. Or as I watch them. Whichever comes first. Thoughts?

Oh, and speaking of Crap that People Inexplicably loved, does anyone know if Kyle XY is still on the air?