Thursday, May 25, 2006

Crappiest Shows Ever

Since television has shoved a lot of dreck down our throats since its invention, I thought I'd do a quick list of the worst of the worst. In comments, please confirm or deny these truths we hold to be self-evident. If you think one doesn't belong, please offer a substitute.

5. The Gilmore Girls

Late one night when I couldn't sleep, I channel surfed until I stumbled on this piece of crap. I watched the intro music and was curious--besides, it was 4 a.m., what the hell else was I going to do? I managed to stomach about 5 minutes, and thankfully, I've never looked back.

4. Commander-in-Chief

Starring Geena Davis. Do I really need to go further? No wonder it didn't survive an entire season. If you want to see something funny, plot its weekly ratings on a graph.

3. Ellen

Who on earth gave her a talk show, and why does anyone watch it? If I ever, and I mean EVER, see Ellen dancing in the street some place, I'm going to punch her.

2. Dharma & Greg

How in God's name did this last seven seasons? I had an opportunity to speak with the President of the Fox television station in York, PA. I asked him why he had it on every night. He said if it were up to him, that show would never air again. The truth is, when they buy the rights to air programs, they usually have to buy it in a bundle. He said to get Everybody Loves Raymond, he had to take that and something crappy that came on after it. ELR goes in the 7pm slot, D&G aired at 1 a.m. I wonder why...

1. The Chevy Chase Show

This show wasn't just cancelled mid-season. It was cancelled mid-show. I'm not sure how many shows have been cancelled on the air, but I'm guessing not many. Four and a half episodes was all Rupert Murdoch needed to see. It's been a long, dark fall from grace for Ty Webb, Dusty Bottoms, Emmett Fitz-Hume, and Fletch.

24 comments:

SUE said...

I came home from work last night and my Tivo was inexplicable tuned to the We network...that's right, Women's Television. This for the person who pretty much season passes' anything violent (Sheild, Prison Break, Sopranos). Anyway, I turn on my TV and it's on Dharma and Greg. Ugh.

CRAIG said...

Perhaps you caught an off-episode, but I've found the Gilmore Girls to be pretty good.

You're spot on with everything else though.

D said...

Hey, you forgot Walker, Texas Ranger. My pick for #1. And Renegade, starring Lorenzo Lamas for #2.

Ben said...

d, you're breakin' my heart! Both those shows were guilty pleasures of mine back in the day.

My favorite part of Walker was that you could miss the entire show, as long as you got there for the last 8 minutes you'd get to see Chuck Norris whip someone's ass.

Renegade was just terrible. It probably could have been cool if anyone except Lamas and the idiot who played Bobby did the acting...and someone (anyone) else did the writing. Again, another guilty pleasure, but I was a fan.

Sara said...

you see I can agree with those tv shows sucking, you can add lost to that as well...


that is having an opinion, there is a difference from that and being opinionated

D said...

Alright, alright - confession time. They were both also guilty pleasures for me. Mostly b/c I was working this tech support job and I had to work on Saturday, all damn day. Only two of us would be in the office for that whole day, as the rest of the staff was off on weekends.

We found a t.v. in one of the storage closets and set it up between our cubicles and watched shitty Saturday afternoon t.v. on it all day. Renegade and Walker were two of our favorites. We would serenade each other the theme song to Walker... oh the eyes of the ranger are upon you...

Sigh...

Ben said...

Sara sounds salty about discussions from another blog.

Thanks for visiting, and you are most welcome here, but please leave the swords at the door. I don't care if we disagree on neutral ground, but don't bring it into my church. Enough chiding...

You're absolutely right. Lost is garbage. How in God's Green Earth did it manage to win an Emmy? Have they no shame?!

Dave said...

at first i was going to write "craig, are you a woman?" but ive decided to change it to "craig, you are a woman."

Shari said...

You can't knock Walker Texas Ranger solely because of the skits that Conan does on random clips on that show.

Also, you forgot to add Will & Grace, Bernie Mac, and Wild Boys.

All crap in a very condensed list. All the good shows get cancelled.

Bastards.

Ayman said...

that's off the hizzle....

Sara said...

just trying to show you I am reasonable,,,

now that 70's show was amazing, I giggled every tue or wed night whichever they wanted to show it on... do you get Trailer Park boys out there?

Gumby said...

Get out! D&G actually lasted 7 seasons?!?!?

Cate said...

But...but I like Gilmore Girls. Craig is probably right, you caught an off episode. Some of the early ones are sort of "meh."

The other shows on the list I will support you on, if we're limiting it to scripted shows. I think that perhaps a reality show or five is missing from this worst-of-all-time list. May I suggest the Swan, which I never watched, but heard about often, until its abrupt cancellation?

Ben said...

I'm not sure how to describe that 70s show. It definitely had it's moments of brilliance, but thats all they were to me--brief moments. It was never enough for me to get into the show, just catch it occasionally.

And the show was worthless after eric and kelso left.

CRAIG said...

I'm not a woman; I just play one on TV.
:)

serendipity said...

Hmm, I thought Dharma and Greg was kinda funny.....Shows how much I know eh?

Ben said...

Serendipity, I can actually see how someone from England might...I'm trying to think what that show might be like if it were a british comedy instead of american--it might work!

She's no Benny Hill, but I can see how D&G would be a cult-classic across the pond.

It probably seems like I am slamming the English sense of humor, but I'm really not. Shawn of the Dead might be one of the most hilarious films ever made.

A Concerned Fan said...

How could you forget the Magic Hour??? It was like watching a talk show host announce with marbles in his mouth. 110 out of 100 on the Unintentional Comedy Scale (thanks Sports Guy)

erica said...

You leave Ellen's dance routine alone, mister. :)

GarColga said...

I vote for Sex and the City and Will & Grace!! Agree with your choices though.

Rebecca said...

Aw, I love "Gilmore Girls." I've heard it criticized for its too quick, too witty dialogue, but that's why I love it. Also, I find Ellen endearing.

Other bad TV shows: "Yes, Dear" (wow - EVERY sitcom cliche in the book), "Beautiful People" (yeah, it's a guilty pleasure of mine, but it's still SO amazingly over-dramatic), and I think "Seventh Heaven" gets my vote for worst TV show of All Time. It's so sappy that every episode is vomit-worthy, but it never crosses the line into so-bad-it's-just-funny territory.

jps said...

gilmore girls? best. show. ever. why not replace it with something else the wb has to offer...7th heaven, one tree hill, its all crap. but i'm pretty sure sex in the the city is the crappiest show of all time. i watched every single episode (i guess i like to torture myself) and by the end was wishing carrie would get hit by a bus. and then a cab. and then run over by a bike messenger.

Ben said...

JPS, the difference between Gilmore Girls and 7th Heaven is that I was able to stomach an entire episode of 7th Heaven. Gilmore Girls made it about 10 minutes. Cliche, crappy plot line, and terrible, terrible, trite acting. I still get shivers...

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