Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Happy Birthday

To my friend Jay--may the world not end this afternoon.

It sorta reads like a hallmark, doesn't it? While I'm on the subject, I'd also like to wish happy birthdays to all the little tykes born over the next 24 hours (48, with time-zones accounted for? I don’t know how many they are, I just wanted to be all inclusive). It's probably going to be the only happy birthday for those of you with nutty moms that think they may have spawned the anti-Christ.

So when is it all going down? 6:06:06 tonight? 7:06 tonight (6 p.m, + 66 minutes)? What about the west coast? Is it just going to be a sweeping wave of destruction, starting with the east? Why does it matter about the year? Why not 6:06:06 every night?

Here's a tip for the superstitious--we invented numbers. Not only that, we invented the concept of time. I'm pretty sure God isn't bound to such limitations. If he's going to proper-fuck us, I'm pretty sure we won't be able to look at a clock or a calendar and guess when.

In other news, today's Feel Good. Pat Robertson is back with his whacky predictions. Thanks Atheist. For those who can't stomach the reading, I'll sum up:

1) The coast will be ravaged by hurricanes this year (if he "heard the Lord right")

No shit, Sherlock. In other news, some days it will be sunny, others will be rainy, and most days, your head will still be up your ass.

2) The Pacific Northwest is getting a Tsunami.

If God really cares about us, this guys house will get hit by a tsunami.

People who watch the 700 Club shouldn't be allowed to vote.

Just found a 2nd Feel Good. Isn't this sort of, you know, counter-productive?

5 comments:

SUE said...

Excellent Ben, it's clear you've put a good deal of thought into this. I applaud you. By the way, I went to my friend's 40th birthday party on Saturday. We wished him a good one and he responded, "Well, my ACTUAL birthday is in a couple of days." We pressed him and he offered up his real birthday: "Actually, it's Tuesday. I was born on 6/6/66." Perhaps my friend Carlos has been here as the antichrist a full 40 years?

Dave said...

did you know pat robertson recently said he could leg press 2000 pounds? no, that is NOT a typo. he was trying to sell his energy shake, and casually mentioned this "fact".

seeing how the current world record is a little over a grand, and knowing that pat robertson is a man of faith, and would never lie to me in the name of an energy drink, one can only conclude that robertson has herculean strength. and is very spry at 75 years

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/05/26/national/main1662789.shtml

Dave said...

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/20 06/05/26/national/main1662789.shtml


last time it didnt post right, so i threw a space in there, mid "20 06"

Jay said...

Thanks Ben. Because of yourkind b-day wishes, I decided to spare the world.

A few things I think I think:

Pat Robertson is an A-hole. Why does this guy keep talking? We get it, everything bad that happens is God punishing us for something. Living in Florida, I sure am nervous now that good old Pat has spoken with God, and let us know that hurricanes are coming. Thanks for the heads up.

Giving Iran the nuclear technology we don't want them to have is a fantastic idea. The British didn't want Hitler to start a war, so they gave him the Sudetenland. Good plan.

Carolyn said...

Happy Birthday Jay!
Who knew the devil would be reincarnated in a blond-haired boy from Fairport.

Carolyn