It appears we have survived a potential apocalypse! While I'm sure you are all busy celebrating this narrowly averted tragedy, I'm afraid I need to rain on your parade. The fact of the matter is that it is never too soon to begin preparations for the next one. I predict that Satan will again attempt to end the world in September of 2009. Remember, 9/9/09 is 666 upside-down, which has to be much worse. Here's a couple things to keep in mind between now and then.
- Plan on abstaining from sex for all of December of 2008 and January of 2009. The demon seed can't spawn if he doesn't have a host! This will also alleviate the fears of all the traumatized mothers that gave birth yesterday.
- Corner the market on holy water, crosses, and garlic. You just never know, the new anti-Christ could take the form of a vampire.
- Get baptized.
- Remember on 9/8/09 to ask God's forgiveness before you go to bed. That way, you go to sleep with a clean slate, and have your ticket punched for Heaven.
- Don't go to bed after midnight. You wouldn't want to miss the boat!
- Try not to be as retarded in 3 years, 3 months, and 3 days. It was pretty embarrassing to the human race in general. I sure hope there weren't any aliens watching.
In reference to the U.S. giving Iran nuclear technology so they'll stop enriching uranium, I've come up with a nifty metaphor (or simile, whichever you prefer):
It's like giving a drunk a brewery to keep him away from the whiskey bottle.