Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Quick and Dirty

It's deadline week here at the office, so today's post is short. And you only get it because I didn't do one yesterday.

It's been a while since I've complained about music, so today's list is bands that never, ever should have made it big. The American public is ignorant, and they tolerate people with shitty sounds or inability to actually play their instruments. Here's the list of those who piss me off the most:

  • Creed

    WTF?!

  • Evanescence

    I actually saw them live with a buddy of mine. Well, sort of. He got free tickets to the show because his friend worked on the Fusion tour. We made fun of ever band that took the stage until our ears started bleeding. At one point my buddy says to me, "You know what the funny thing is? This is a SOLD OUT show. There are people at home right now sulking and literally crying because they didn't get tickets. We just came to hang out with my buddy and make fun of these awful bands."

    Then Evanescence came on and we went out to their bus and made fun of them where we didn't have to hear them for the rest of the show. That, my friends, is music snobbery at its finest.

  • Hootie and the Blowfish

    Burger King should have been the end of his career, not an continuation.

    Another concert story. I went to one of their shows because of a girl I liked at the time. When it became apparent she wasnt interested, I left. Now that's money well spent.

  • Korn

    Anyone who listened to any song in its entirity by this band should be ashamed of themselves.

  • Linkin Park

    When I was writing this, I couldn't remember the name of this band, as my mind tends to block out bad memories. Know how I found it? I googled "Worst Band Ever." I'm not kidding.

  • Nickelback

    There's one thing I admire about these guys, and that is that they are BALLSY. They have at least three songs where they didn't bother to change the chords, just the words. All of them made the top 40. America, you're a fucking sheep and you should be ashamed.


My buddy, HotDamn Doyle, once said: "The World According to Garp made me want to become a famous writer. After reading Penn Faulkner winner Snow Falling on Cedars, I knew I could." Any of you out there who want to be famous musicians, don't give up. This is proof that mediocrity sells.

23 comments:

Nicole said...

Saw your headline and thought you were posting about our hammock plan....
will come back and post my thoughts later.
JSYK:
Bubbles is a character from a show called the Trailor Park Boys. You might like

BlessedHope said...

Hey now, Nickelback is a CANADIAN band, buddy ;) You can blame us for them. Other than that one complaint, I agree. Also, who thought that it was cool to spell corn with a backwards K?

Ben said...

As for Korn, probably, but I'm

a) Not savvy enough in HTML to figure out how to do it, and

b) Barely care enough to type out 'Korn,' much less put forth additional effort for a band that wasn't worth the keystrokes to begin with.

Does 'other than that one complaint' mean you like Creed? If so, you poor, poor, sheep. Didn't anyone ever tell you that 'Friends don't let Friends listen to Creed?'

DJ Shovelpants said...

Nickelback. I'd like to see that tour bus explode into flames on some desolate interstate.

Whenever I hear the opening of that 'Photograph' song, I want to fall onto a knife.

And could that lead singer/douchebag be any uglier?

Nicole said...

One on VH1, Chad WAS voted as world's Fugliest.....

Suze said...

Ha! I can claim not to know any of these bands, living in the UK. But unfortunately I have heard of them all. Although the lead singer of Evanescence looks hot!

BTW Ben, thanks for visiting me. My daily blog is at AlexSuze.com.

Dave said...

a list of bands that piss me off the most... that can only be calculated in Lewis Blacks, or LBs, if you will

Dion Ferris 8 LBs
Melissa Etheridge 4 LBs
Celine Dion (Canada) 9 LBs
Tony Braxton 6 LBs
Spice Girls 9 LBs
Savage Graden 2 LBs
Faith Hill 9 LBs
Real McCoy 10 LBs
Incubus 7 LBs
Avril Lavigne 6 LBs
American Idol persons 9 LBs
Boy Bands 6 LBs
spears, simpson, agulara, etc 2 LBs

all of ben's "artist" should definately be on my list, but im leaving it to him to rate them on the lewis black scale. other things were taken in consideration, like Jessica simpson being hot, but still annoying.

mostly, the more avoidable the music is, the less it rates on my lewis black scale.

real mccoy has the only bonafide 10, we listened to the same radio station on the bus to school, and that song by them was ALWAYS ON. for about 6 months, i had to listen to that song at least once a day... whether it was the ride to, or from school...

as far as Canadians, and the entertainment industry, our neighbors up north have brought both genius and disaster. that being said, the scale is heavily in favor for the genius

Ben said...

I dunno, Creed is mighty heavy on that scale. I'll update the site later with the LB factors.

I will have you know I just saw a t-shirt that says "EVEN JESUS HATES CREED." Cartoon Staph was screaming in the background, and cartoon Jesus was looking at you, panicked, with his hands over his ears. I'd say it's even better than your shirt, Dave.

Zander said...

For whatever reason I can mostly ignore most people like Korn and Linkin Park (but agree they suck) but I actually get ANGRY when I hear a Nickelback song being played for the 8 bazillionth time on the radio. So if nothing else, their music is powerful. Even if that power is to make people want to stab everyone in sight.

Dawn Benko said...

The newspaper I work for is proof positive that mediocrity sells. And I have to admit I like Creed and and Nickelback's "Silver Side Up". Is that so wrong?

BTW--Thanks for stopping by Ben.

Scooter said...

mMm, I actually like Hootie and the Blowfish (Burger King commercial aside), but I'll agree with you on everything else.

May I add all those annoying mopey bands that have taken over the Warped Tour like My Chemical Romance. Trying to think why people like those types of bands keep me up at night.

Scooter McGavin's 9th Green

WendyWings said...

Ben you are entitled to your opinion but if you were not going to participate in the spirit of the post then why bother commenting at all.
That was actually more pretentious then my post which is a regular thing that has been going for months.
Sorry if offended your sensibilities and no this isn't a flame, I just wanted you to know I did delete your comment as you obviously don't need/want/feel it is beneath you to participate and it would only cause unwanted visits.

Jessee said...

Ok well then I know you're blog isn't for me. I listen to any and all music genres and bands with no prejudice.. from country to cradle of filth. But these you mentioned.. Yep I like them. And for the person who said the Nickelback guy is ugly.. most girls think he's hot as hell. And that song Figured You Out.. Yeaaaa I'd do him hard.

Ben said...

Wendy: correct, I obviously don't feel it is beneath me to participate in that retarded whatever it was that you were doing.

Jessee: First, I'd hardly call whatever it is that these bands are doing 'music.' Thankfully, one by one they are reaching their musical demise so we don't have to endure them any longer. Having met the dude from Nickelback, he's everybit as awkward and gawky in real life as you can imagine. He's also the kind of asshole you see in clubs that wears cowboy hats even though you know good and goddamn well he's never even seen a horse.

I love every kind of music without prejudice as well, from classic to country. My only requirement is that they not suck. These guys didn't fit the bill.

Shash said...

I'm ashamed to say that Nickelback is from Canada... we've produced better.

Thanks for coming by my blog, Wendy's site is more or less about getting people to visit other blogs they wouldn't normally visit. Kinda like "speed dating".

Wordless Wednesday is to share a picture with others, it also is a blogrolling thing but I haven't figured out how to do that - I just like sharing my photos every once in a while.

Jess said...

I have a huge list of so called musicians that need to be shot. You have quite a few of mine on your list. Thanks for the comment on my blog, and you may bag my groceries at any time.

justin said...

As the "buddy" in the Evanescence tale, I feel uniquely qualified to respond. I'll agree with your list. I'm surprised the Creed, Nickleback and Three Doors Down tour didn't mark the coming of the apocalypse. I would add Crazy Town to the list, only because I saw them and Linkin Park back to back on Ozzfest with Kory and we spent the whole time praying that they would spontaneously burst into flames. However, I must grudgingly point out that Korn's first album is not entirely without merit. After an argument with Pete from Rezin, I was moved to download and listen to the self-titled debut recently, and I must say that it is not awful. One can imagine that at the time it might have even sounded, dare I say it, fresh. However, since everything they have put out since has sucked with increasing intensity, it is hard to argue for their continued existence.

Ben said...

Justin!

I was wondering when you were going to come out of hiding on my journal here. Good to see you--still lost your number, so call me sometime.

My two favorite parts of this post are reminiscing about that night, and the fact I could find Linkin Park's name by googling worst band ever.

Nicole said...

Ok, got a quick minute.
May 27th, INXS played in Saskatoon, SK. The Creed dude opened for them. What does that tell ya?
His biggest downfall, other then his out of control ego was his Jesus moves.
The only talent on that band was Mark Trem...something or other

Now, Dave as for Avril, I counterpoint;
took my kid to see her last July, and have to say, in person I was impressed. Plus the girl writes alot of her crap, and played several instruments.
At that concert was where I got my first taste of Butch Walker who produced Avril's last CD and is producing this next one.
I thought Butch was one talented guy and ran out and bought his CD the next day. He is also going to produce the CD for the upcoming SuperNova, the new Tommy Lee venture. Tommy's golden. always good for a dopey laugh

BlessedHope said...

oh nooo!! I certainly do not like any of the bands on that list. I just didn't want my friends to the south taking the fall for them. I think Creed might be Canadian, too, but wasn't sure, so I didn't want to speak out of ignorance.
BTW, thanks for stopping by. I got so mad about that incident that I started my blog. My husband has been bothering me to do something for well over a year now.
Lastly, are there any CDN bands that you like?

justin said...

Creed is sort of the opposite of Canadian...They hail from sunny Florida.

Ben said...

Nicole:

I was not aware Avril LaTrine wrote anything herself, although that would explain the crappiness. I thought she was a complete loser when she got offended during a rolling stone interview when they said her music was pop. The following is a loose translation on what happened after that:

RS: So if you aren't pop, what are you?

AL: I'm totally punk-

RS: Ok, so who are your influences, the Ramones, the Sex Pistols, and the Clash?

AL: Who are they? I've never heard of any of those bands.

Other Humorous News: Ever since posting about the worst bands ever, I've had nothing but advertisements for Dave Matthews Band ringtones. Life is Grand.

Nicole said...

Ben:
The girl did indeed write some of her own shit.
I only pointed out that she did write some songs and CAN play instuments.
During that interview, she was probably like 19 years old. Chalk it up to "youthful" innocence\immaturity.....
I was not saying she was great, BUT there are ALOT worse acts out there, .
Plus as I said I took my kid, not went for myself: let's add it up
Night out with kid
Smile on kid's face ALL night
Pleasantly surprised concert was not that bad
100 bucks well spent. You will see as your own kids grow, sometimes you will have to suck it up and do stuff for them which you might not like nor want .
Calm down tiger!