Thursday, July 06, 2006

Hangover Story #1: Beer

I went to boarding school in Ohio with a Mexican guy named Alonso Castillo. He was always talking about how shitty Ohio is compared to Mexico. This wasn't a stretch for me, since my toilet after a garbage plate is way better than Ohio. Anyway, he came home with me to New York one weekend and we did what any self-respecting 19 year-olds would do: we broke into an abandoned house with a couple cases of beer and hosted a party.

There was only six or seven of us, but we plowed through 48 beers in short order. This may not seem like that much, but considering at least three of the party-goers were chicks who tapped out after 3 beers or so, and another guy was a light-weight, I think Alonso and I must have had 15 each at the minimum.

Long story short, Alonso is known for his hot temper. After he passed out, we left him alone until we heard him talking in his sleep. We listened in for a while, but it was all in Spanish, so we didn't really understand what he was talking about. Naturally, we decided to try to steer the conversation.

We said, "Hey Alonso, lets go get some food."

Alonso mumbles: "Ahhh, comida, bueno, bueno."

Us: "Where do you want to go?"

Alonso: "Yo necessito Mexican comida ta bueno..."

Us: "Cool, lets go get some Taco Bell"

Alonso: "AYE CABRON! PINCHE TACO BELL! TU MADI CONE! AYE AYE AYE~! TACO BELL IS NOT MEXICAN FOOD!

Then, unconscious, he started punching the wall and swearing in Spanish.

The next morning, all of us nursing massive hangovers, we went looking for food and told Alonso the story from the night before. Interestingly, he got just as pissed when he was awake when we called it Mexican food. He didn't feel better about things until we passed a Chi Chi's, when he burst out laughing.

Us: "What's so funny, Alonso?"
Alonso: "Chi chi's is Spanish for 'tits.'"

6 comments:

T. Willie said...

Taco Bell = not Mexican food, not even real food, I think.

And trust me, you don't want to eat there...I used to work in one ;-)

Ben said...

Oh, I know. They compete with dogfood companies to buy the ground beef, if you want to call it that. We mostly said it to get under Alonso's skin.

That said, its so delicious when you're drunk....

jessica said...

dear benny, i was going to drop by and say hello. to thank you for stopping by my blog and showering it with compliments (ok, 2 but i prefer to use the word shower).

then i read what you wrote about ohio. and now i'm not so sure i like you. i'm a cleveland girl and i'm just curious what part of NY you're from, as i see little difference passing through PA to the NY state...

Ben said...

Jess, thanks for stopping by.

I was near Cleveland for a few years, and it really rubbed me wrong. Between never seeing the sun from October to May, the mountain of white shit from lake effect snow, and the 'unfavorable condition' of being at an all boys boarding school left me with a bad taste in my mouth.

Glad it works for you, though. Just don't even ask me to visit. :-)

Nicole said...

'unfavorable condition' of being at an all boys boarding school left me with a bad taste in my mouth.

GOD BEN....... Jizzy Chrizzy don't make it so easy for me! ALL boys boarding school, and left with a bad tase in mouth!!!!????

Am I the ONLY pervert you know OR WHAT?????

:-D :-D :-D :-D !!!!!!!!!

Ben said...

Hmmm, in hindsight, perhaps I could have phrased that better.