Serial killing elephant 86'ed

It's time to start injecting this blog with humor again. Here's a recent news article that caught my eye.

Let me see if I can clear this up for anyone who doesn't feel like reading the whole thing:

1) This elephant (or one that looked like it) killed at least 27 people in the last couple years. I've never tried to kill 27 people before getting executed, but I bet it's hard. I mean, it's an elephant. Where was he hiding?

2) When I read a headline that said "Osama Shot Dead" I was markedly disappointed. Turns out this was the elephant's nickname, and incredibly irresponsible journalism.

3) "The elephant was killed after villagers identified him," a senior forestry official said, adding the animal could be identified because it had no tusks.

Are you freakin' kidding me? This is your inconclusive forensic evidence? A bunch of terrorized, blood-thirsty, toothless villagers with no indoor plumbing gave the thumbs up on a positive ID? Did they line him up with several other still alive elephants that looked similar? After I read this, I felt better, feeling completely at ease that "the law got their man...":

Activists said forest officials hurriedly buried the elephant without verifying the foot prints, dimensions and other identifying marks that were the same as "Osama's".

4) This is completely justified because of this statement:

"The elephant has been killing people, destroying houses in villages in my constituency," Ranjit Dutta, a MP from Behali. "He was not afraid of fire and even firecrackers."

Wow. Not afraid of fire, OR FIRECRACKERS!? Jesus, they must have been terrified. I'm sure there was absolutely no other way to handle this situation.



Sorry folks, I just need to say as human beings, we have a responsibility to mind our own goddamn business. If you need more evidence of that, read this story next.