I should be littering these in between my rants and reviews. There have be so many hilarious things that have happened at my expense, it's only right to share them with my loyal fellowship...
This is a couple years ago...I've blacked the exact date out of my mind, but it was within the last three years for sure. I suffered the most horrific allergies of my life. I'm pretty sure my wife was pregnant with our first son, so it was important (to me) to keep well enough to take care of her.
As I rifled through the medicine cabinet, I stumbled on a box of Benadryl tablets. The directions said take two and call it a night, so that's just what I did.
I slept like shit that night. My allergies were horrible, and the Benadryl was not making me sleepy (as advertised). At about 3 am, I took a couple more. All next day wasn't any better.
I complained to my wife about how worthless the allergy meds were, to which she replied, "what allergy meds?" Our horrible conversation went something like this:
Ben: "You know, the benadryl."
Deb: "What benadryl?"
Ben: "On the counter."
Deb: "Uh oh..."
Ben: "Uh oh, what?"
Deb: "Honey, those aren't benadryl. I put the immodium in that box."
Ben: "WHY IN GODS NAME WOULD YOU PUT IMMODIUM IN AN ALLERGY MEDICATION'S BOX?!"
Anyway, I took four pills in four to six hours. I'm pretty sure the recommended dose is one pill every twelve hours to contain explosive diarrhea. If you aren't experiencing such a condition, you can generally plan on not taking a dump for about three days. You will, however, still *feel* like you need to take a dump, leading to many painful yet uneventful trips to the shitter. Until day three. When all hell breaks loose.
So, what's worse than having horrific allergies?
Having horrific allergies, being physically incapable of taking a crap for several days.
53 minutes ago