Secondly, I was reading a book called Great Lies to Tell Small Kids, by Andy Riley. It's freakin' hilarious. It got me thinking about some of the lies I plan on telling Thomas and my unborn. I know what you're thinking--it isn't horrible. It will teach them (the hard way) to not take things at face value, and to do their own research. I think it will also inspire creativity and imagination. Sure, I'll tell them the real answer eventually. But not before having fun with the likes of this example:
In one of the Calvin and Hobbes books, Calvin's father tells him the world wasn't always in color. That's why we have black and white movies.
So I want to know some more great lies. Please post your own. Here's a couple from my imagination:
- Film used to be made of cheese. That's why people say it when their photograph is taken.
- Groundhogs used to be actual hogs that learned how to burrow. They shrank because there are fewer calories in dirt than there are in slop, and grew hair because it's colder down there.
- When worms get big enough, they sprout heads and turn into snakes.
- Bodies of water don't actually have bottoms. They go clear to the other side of the world.
- Shooting stars are actually aliens hitting home runs in other solar systems.
- Pooping is a sin.
- Brushing your teeth and showering will make you very lucky (this is mostly true--certainly luckier than people who don't).
Update: I took the time to fill out my Nohari window as well. You'll find the link to the right. I noticed something very disturbing immediately--it was much easier to fill out the negative traits. Is it because it is easier to be critical of ourselves, am I too negative, or am I just a bad person...this little experiment has already been worthwhile.
9 comments:
Years ago my younger brothers were wondering why my sister and I were getting our wisdom teeth pulled. I told him that wisdom teeth make people smarter, so the government forces everyone to have them taken out before they're 21 so that the people in power stay in power.
My sister once asked why, when we had chicken for dinner, were there always a bunch of legs and wings, since chickens only have two of each. I told her that there were farms that genetically engineer chickens with more legs and wings for large families.
PS - I LOVE your #3!
I've got plenty of time to come up with more, and I love your suggestions.
For anyone who didn't get the reference, #6 is actually a joke. It was alluding to an episode of Family Guy when Chris's grandfather thinks Chris is masturbating in the bathroom. Chris never clarifies that he is pooping, and grandpa chastises him and tells him if he ever does it again, he'll burn in hell. Chris procedes to not poop for 3-4 days.
Grandpa--"He's watching you in there!"
Chris--"I'm a sinner and God's a pervert!"
My family is notorious for this kind of thing. My dad and his successor, my older brother, are so good at deadpanning lies that when you ask them something, you have a hard time to figure out if it's the truth. The root of this comes from the pathology that a Hildebrand always, ALWAYS has to have an answer to something. It's all about the delivery. Pisses off my stepmom and sister-in-law to no end, because they can't tell the lies apart from the truths.
And now the disappointing follow-up: I can't remember any of the good ones.
Val once told me that bugs hatch from rice. That's why you can't leave rice sit out for too long. She said she left an open bag of rice under her bed, forgot about it for a year, and when she cleaned it out, there were little mites and stuff in it.
I said "Ha ha."
She said "No, I'm serious."
I said "Rice doesn't hatch."
"Yes, rice hatches."
"Where's your proof?"
"I left a bag of rice under my bed once. I forgot about it. When I took it out a year later, there were bugs in it."
"Was the bag open?"
"Yes."
"Bugs got in the bag."
"No, it was the RICE."
"It was bugs."
"Yes. The rice turns INTO bugs if you leave it sit for long enough."
"Rice doesn't hatch!"
That conversation continues, in part, to this day.
Number 3 made me shudder!
In some ways, we all lie to our children. Santa, the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, etc.
Eat your carrots, that's why bunnies have good eyes.......
I tell my daycare and {own} children that fairies ride on dragonflies. In ECE terms it's called Animism. I encourage it.
1. Dogs know what you're thinking
2. Jell-o is not made of horse parts
3. If you don't clean up your room I'm not gonna beat the hell out of you
What a cool website- Johari. That's funny you had an easier time with the negatives. I had the exact opposite problem: I had to narrow down my 7 choices for Johari, but only had 4 for Nohari, and I couldn't submit without 5. I guess you'll just have to wonder if I think you're selfish, stupid and weak :)
Silly goose, everyone knows I'm selfish and stupid, so you must think I'm weak.
Post a Comment