Monday, July 03, 2006

Hangovers

I'm tapping into the suggestion box.

Carl Bryant said...

You know what would be interesting - and useful? An evaluation of different brands of alcoholic beverages based on hangover severity.

So this post will be dedicated to hangovers, how to avoid them, and which alcohols bite your ass the worst. First, I'll share my secret. The only time I've had a hangover in the last ten years is when I forgot to do this. Here's the trick:

Right before you go to sleep, take two aspirin, and drink two full glasses of water. It may seem like a daunting task, but the reason your brain hurts so goddamn much the next day is because of dehydration.

Today, for example, woke up feeling like a million bucks. Last night I drank 1/5 of Jim Beam.

Alright, here's my top 5 worst hangover alcohol:

5) Beer

Some are worse than others. Old Milwaukee is probably the worst.

4) Whiskey

Specifically Wild Turkey. Or Canadian Hunter.

3) Red wine

Known for inspiring pounding headaches while you're still awake, it's nothing compared to the one you wake up with.

2) Southern Comfort

Good golly. I haven't been able to drink Southern comfort in years because of the irreversible damage this shit did to me one night.

And finally,

1) Tequila

You can't really describe a tequila hangover. The best I can do is say that it feels like a worm is eating your brain from the inside out while your mother is shrieking in both of your ears.

Over the course of the week, I'm going to post a story that involves each of the selections. One of the stories will be a fake. You guys can cast your votes for the fake story, and I'll tell you who the winners are. In the meanwhile, share your hangover remedies, what alcohols whip your ass, or a funny story involving a hangover.

7 comments:

Carl Bryant said...

My worst tequila hangover?

Fort Riley, Kansas. Race to see who could finish their Monte Alban bottle and eat the worm the fastest.

I vaguely remember winning, eating someone's goldfish, and sleeping beneath a trailer in Junction City. My first real memory was coming to in a military formation -explaining the mud, fish guts, and vomit on my dress uniform.

I spent two full days hungover. Digging foxholes in the hot Kansas sun.

Zander said...

I generally stop with the tequila after 3 shots, so I have plenty of humiliating stories but the hangovers aren't THAT bad. I'm generally drinking again by 3 the next day.

And yeah the water is a great solution, but I can't remember the last time I got home and was in any condition to do anything other than collapse into my bed.

Jason Doan said...

I'm going to guess right now that the red wine story will be the fake. No self respecting straight man would admit to getting drunk on red wine.

Saffyre said...

My worst hangover ever was from gin. I actually thought I was dying, I couldn't even keep water down and spent two days in bed!

Shari said...

I'm sorry... I don't think anyone should ever drink Southern Comfort. (Amongst others.)

Gross.

BlessedHope said...

Not sharing. Too humiliating. HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!!!!

Robert said...

My wife says that you haven't actually had a real hangover until you have had a tequila hangover.