Movies I Missed in 2012

This is more for me than any readers that I may still have. It's kind of a sad post. It's about the perils and sacrifices of having children. I wish I started this list when my first son was born, but better late than never. It's a list of movies I hope to see someday, that I missed in theaters because you can't bring a 7 and 5 year old to see The Dictator.

1. The Dictator
2. Ted
3. Jeff Who Lives at Home
4. The Amazing Spider-Man
5. The Avengers
6. The Dark Knight Rises
7. The Hunger Games
8. Men In Black 3
9. 21 Jump Street
10. The Three Stooges
11. Abe Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
12. The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

Please note this list in incomplete, and contains titles scheduled, but not yet released. If there is something I missed (there is), please feel free to make a comment and I'll do some homework and see if it is list-worthy. Like I said, mostly it's just to help me to remember what to watch someday. Also, they are in no particular order.

Game Change

I'm not going to be in the business of the factual content of the HBO movie, but it did leave me with the following feelings:

1) John McCain is a good man, and probably would have made a decent president
2) I felt really bad (surprisingly) for Sarah Palin. Except towards the end.
3) There were three Sarah Palins in the movie:

The first one is "the team player." The first Sarah we meet just wants to do right by her family, Alaska, the American People, and John McCain. A true patriot.

As the movie develops, Sarah begins to succumb to the pressure. You start to feel really bad for her. She wasn't treated fairly. She starts tuning out her handlers. She misses her family. She just can't physically learn everything she needs to learn in the given amount of time to do it in--it's just too much.

Finally, the McCain campaign created the monster. Once they realize she's a brilliant actress but a crappy politician, they give her the script to her success. She does well in the VP debate, regains her confidence, realizes how much she is loved and how much cash she is bringing to the campaign, and her ego takes over. She begins to think she is bigger than she is.

Ultimately, it paints Palin as far more likeable than I've ever found her to be for 2/3 of the movie (albeit they do portray her as somewhat of a foreign policy idiot, which I don't think is a stretch), and only giving way to the unlikeable psychopath we came to know and love towards the end.

Both McCain and Palin aides have come out against the book and the movie, saying it is chock full of unattributed quotes and inaccuracies. McCain stated he will not watch the film and I believe him. I cannot say the same about Palin--while she is on the record as saying she considers it a false narrative, I don't think her ego will allow her to pass on the chance to watch a movie about her.

Rick Santorum, Ignoranus*

I'm not sure what part of this video is more awesome...the reference to something burning "down there," or his reference to "no written speeches" as he holds up his written speech.

Perhaps Rick should take a more open stance towards contraception after all.






*Ignoranus (n.): A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

What goes as offensive these days?

So, after the Patriots lost, my friend (who hates the Patriots, more specifically, Tom Brady, more specifically still, what the media has turned Tom Brady into) posted on facebook something to the effect that he was glad the Gaytriots lost. Somewhere along the line, one of his friends asked him if he could stop referring to them as the Gaytriots, since it offended her, and some of her gay friends when used this way.

Really?

She and I got into a facebook debate about the evolution of language after that. For those of you who don't know me, here is a short list of relevant facts:

1) Although I am not a homosexual, I believe them to be no different from anyone else. I am not a "homophobe," and I support equal rights for everyone.

2) I generally take offense to derogatory remarks. And I'm not shy about letting the offending bigot know they're an idiot.

3) I majored in Professional Writing in college.

My argument was this:

What my friend was saying was not intended to be offensive to homosexuals. The "Pay" in Patriot just conveniently rhymes with "Gay." It was a humorous spin off of the team name. It clearly never intended to hurt a homosexual.

When someone says "that's gay," I don't even register homosexuality in my mind anymore. An exact parallel would be if someone were to say, "that's retarded," I associate it with something that is stupid, I don't associate it with something that has Downs Syndrome. To me, the meaning of the word has evolved, and moved past the offensive. The person I was having the discussion said for the record, she would have been offended by "retarded" too.

I said if retarded offended her, I could cite some other examples. Sticking with the football theme, what about the Washington Redskins? Did that offend her? What about 'Poppycock?' That was one of the most dastardly terms of its day. From the Dutch, it literally translates to "Doll Shit." It was sort of like dropping the "F" bomb.

In an opposite evolution, a faggot used to be a pile of sticks. Then later it was a cigarette. Now, it's offensive. It's still offensive. It will probably remain offensive for the rest of my lifetime. But perhaps not forever...

My point is that language is fluid. Meanings change over time, all the time. You can choose to be offended when someone says something that you know they didn't mean for it to be racially, sexually, derogatorily charged, or you can understand that meanings change with each generation.

The last thing she said was that her gay friends asked that the language not be used "in that sense."

Although I didn't say it, I couldn't help but think:

"My gay friends would tell your gay friends to stop being so gay and retarded..."

ISO: Daily Reads

Back when I first started blogging, there were two websites that directed 90% of my traffic here. They were also the way I found almost every blog on my blog roll. Those two websites were blogmad.net and blogexplosion.com. Both have seemingly went out of business.

Blogmad's page no longer exists. Blogexplosion exists, but the FAQs page is dead and I don't know what my username is anymore. An email seeking help went unanswered, so I assume that's just a ghost ship.

I'm looking for something similar. I don't particularly care about driving traffic to my blog at this point, but I'd like to find some blogs that are updated almost daily. How the hell do people find interesting blogs these days?

First I tried stumbleupon.com. I find it to be awkward and clunky. To make matters worse, it seems like every blog I stumbled to was last updated two years ago. How hard is it to add a god damn filter to only stumble to blogs updated in the last two weeks?

Since then, I've been to a myriad of other sites: blogtoplist.com, blogflux.com, blogcatalog.com, and I don't even know who else. The end result is always the same.

Doesn't anyone know how to search for recent, interesting blogs anymore?

The 2012 Wish List

I'm pretty sure I didn't get anything from my 2009 Wish List (I didn't bother with one for 2010 and 2011). Since I have no more readers, it seems unlikely that anything will come of this list either, but I suppose it doesn't hurt to have it out there, if nothing else so I can keep track of what I want.

I've decided I really, really want to start reading in my free time again. This will both be good for me, and good for my marriage, as it will mean less time on the computer (a constant sore spot for my wife). So look for the list to contain more books than usual this year.

Think you know a gift or book I might enjoy? Drop it in my suggestion box, or the comments of this post. On to the list:

1) Hope: A Tragedy, by Shalom Auslander (thanks NPR, for introducing me to this guy)

2) Foreskin's Lament, by Shalom Auslander (Best. Title. Ever.)

3) My War: Killing Time in Iraq, by Colby Buzzell

4) A playstation 3


5) An iPad 2
An iPad 3
6) A Turtles Don't Like Peanut Butter Tee-Shirt, XXL
7) Blog Updates weekly from An Online Petition for Jennifer Love Hewitt.
8) Diablo III for PC
9) X-COM: Enemy Unknown for PC

10) For the Relief of Unbearable Urges, by Nathan Englander


11) Beware of God: Stories by Shalom Auslander

12) Salmon of a Doubt by Douglas Adams
13) Last Chance to See by Douglas Adams
14) Wish You Were Here: The Official Biography of Douglas Adams by Nick Webb
15) Dead End in Norvelt by Jack Gantos
16) Everything Is Going to Kill Everybody: The Terrifyingly Real Ways the World Wants You Dead by Robert Brockway
17) The True Meaning of Smekday by Adam Rex
18) No One is Here Except All of Us by Ramona Ausubel

Ending Poverty

Recently, a friend of mine posted a link on Facebook. He was looking for a charitable way to help out the less fortunate, and came across a website called Kiva.org. Kiva provides microloans to third world nations, and in turn provides you with their stories and updates about how the money is being used. His post, and my response is as follows:

J:

"This seems like a pretty good idea. Has anyone done it?"
Kiva - Loans that change lives
kiva.org
Make a loan to an entrepreneur across the globe for as little as $25. Kiva is the world's first online lending platform connecting online lenders to entrepreneurs across the globe.

I took 15 minutes or so, and poked around their website for more information. Does the loan pay interest? Who are we helping? What are the terms? On the surface, it seemed like a really cool idea for people to help other people who didn't have much. Upon investigating, it seems that you don't loan the money to those who need it--they already got a loan from a bank. You're loaning the money to the bank that lent to them. I posted my response:

Me:

"I just read up on it, and I'm not sure I get it. Basically, it sounds like you assume the real lender's risk with no reward other than feeling good about helping the less fortunate. Instead, I recommend digging a hole, throwing fistfuls of cash into it, and burying it. There is less risk (although I suppose you *could* forget where you bury it), and similar reward."

J:

"Um...or maybe donate that rotting money to something? I think that "feeling good about helping the less fortunate" is the whole thing."

Now, I'm all for helping the less fortunate, but I don't consider bankers to be "less fortunate" in general. Allowing them to get a reward while good people assume the risk seems, well, I'll just let the story tell itself.

Me:

"I would argue there are better charities to give to than assuming lender risk, which is flat out financially incompetent."

J:

"It's 25 bucks. That's not a lot of risk. If you give to any charity, you expect physical return on your "investment.". Seems to me, with this there is a shot the money comes back so you can help someone else. I've got no stake in the thing, least of all return on investment."

My point was you aren't really giving the money to them. They've already received the money from real lenders. You're lending the money to the lenders, thereby assuming their risk. THEY ARE CHARGING INTEREST. Why would you assume someone's risk while letting them reap all the profits?

Now, if they offer reduced interest rates to the organizations BECAUSE of generous souls who assume most of the risk in the loan, that's another matter entirely. Somehow, I doubt this is the case, but I only spent about 15 minutes reading on their website. IF that were the case, then it's a pretty cool organization. If it's a third party that just finds suckers to assume risk on debts for nothing, well, I would encourage you to spread your good will elsewhere.

J seemed disinterested in talking about the matter further. Maybe it was something he found that he thought was cool, and didn't feel like debating it. Hopefully I didn't piss him off somehow. (If he still reads my blog, I guess we'll find out).

I decided to test my theory about lower interest rates being provided since they were essentially providing risk free loans. Here's what the website offered me:

"As of September 2011, the average interest rate and fees charged by Kiva's Field Partners is about 37%."

37-FUCKING-PERCENT?! They can do this because the areas they are "servicing" don't have access to banks. Predatory lenders offer better rates.

I suggested that if he really want to help these people, donate $25 to an organization that will just GIVE impoverished people the money, with no requirements to pay it back. Much less pay it back at an insane interest rate that will help to keep them impoverished.

I found one more little tidbit from their website. It confirmed my speculation that they did indeed offer lower interest rates because of the interest-free pool of wealth they were collecting from Kiva donors.

"Kiva lenders allow microfinance institutions to access capital at 0% interest; this can help our Field Partners offset their operational expenses and keep their interest rates low."

Given they are charging 37% interest on the average, I find this hard to believe, but then again, I'm not exactly an "expert" in microloans to 3rd world countries. Maybe that's a pretty sweet deal there. I'd hate to see what rates the predatory lenders charge over there.

In case it is, my argument remains that we need to find a better way.

Sarah Palin says 2008 Candidates Not Properly Vetted

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
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I've Become a Stalker

I knew when I returned to blogging, all of my former readers would be gone. I also knew most, if not all, of the blogs I used to read on a daily basis would also be gone. But I hoped beyond all hope that one would remain active. Or at least active enough where I could contact the former owner.

Please Do It, Ms Hewitt by a Concerned Fan

The premise of the blog was to start an online petition to Jennifer Love Hewitt to pose for playboy. That in itself is a noble cause, but the blog offered so much more: fake news, Eulogies from Gary Coleman, but what really kept me coming back for more was this man:



Letters from Wilford Brimley, speaking out about The Diabetes, Relationships, Chlamidya, and even NCAA brackets. That's the history. Let's fast forward to today.

The blog is dead, and has been for three years as of yesterday. I left a post there, hoping he still checked it from time to time. I sent an email to pleasedoitmshewitt@yahoo.com, and wilford_god_damn_brimley@yahoo.com, hoping they were not defunct. My call went unanswered. I scoured his blog for clues to his identity or any other form of contact. I only know he is approximately my age, and lived in Cambridge.

Then I stumbled upon a final clue. My last, best chance. He went on to mention he was an old college buddy of another blogger. I again tried my best through the outdated contact information posted on his friend's dead blog. No dice.

Finally, I did the only thing left I knew to do. I googled his friend, found a living website, and sent him an email. Here was my plea:

"Greetings,

I'm trying to track down a means to contact the former owner of the blog, Please Do It, Ms. Hewitt. He mentioned in one of his posts that you guys go back a ways, so I thought I would try contacting you. I tried emailing your anonymouslawyer@yahoo.com but apparently that is also defunct.

I was a regular reader of Please Do It, Ms. Hewitt when I was an active blogger. Now, after several years hiatus, I've returned to the blogosphere only to find all of my favorite old haunts are gone. It's a credit to his writing that the author of PDIMH is the only one I'm actively stalking to post an update. Hopefully you can help.

I need to resurrect Wilford Brimley, just one more God damn time. I need one final plea to Ms. Hewitt to disrobe. If you know him, please forward my contact email to him. If you don't, I'm sorry to have bothered you. Thanks!

Ben McKnight
http://daydreamed.blogspot.com"

Ladies and gentlemen, I received a response just now:

"I forwarded your e-mail to the friend of mine who I believe I'm remembering correctly was the author. So he may or may not get back to you, but I'm sure he will appreciate the note.

Best,
Jeremy"

Okay, so it isn't exactly the response I hoped for, but "I think I know who you're talking about, I forwarded them the email, and you may or may not have hit a dead end" will have to do, unless any of you have any more suggestions.

What is my objective in all of this, you ask? Well, in a perfect world, I'll convince him to rise from the ashes and begin posting again. Shortly thereafter, we'll go out for beers since we live so close to each other (which I never realized until I started stalking).

It's not a perfect world, though. He may wish his blog to remain dead, having felt it has run its course. I can respect that. In that case, I'd just request written permission to carry the torch, and begin to post Wilford Letters shamelessly in his style. And maybe the occasional plea to Ms. Hewitt to disrobe. I'd like to do this to not only enrich this blog with stolen content, but to honor the memory of a once favorite read.

If you're still out there, Concerned Fan, know that you are missed. Hopefully my email makes it into your hands, and my pleas do not fall on deaf ears.

With Best Regards,
A Concerned Fan of A Concerned Fan

The Republican Class of 2012

I'm late to the party this year. Three would-be candidates have already dropped out, so reviewing them would be pretty pointless now. I suppose I didn't miss much in the cases of Michelle Bachmann (lunatic) and Herman Cain (seriously?), but John Huntsman was a terrific candidate that never gained any attention.

Huntsman is smart, patriotic, conservative, handsome, and he's never flip-flopped. All things important to any self-respecting conservative. Plus, he had a top five record in job creation while he was governor. Anyway, it's all for nothing now, on to the five who (technically) remain.

Former Governor Mitt Romney:



Mitt's big selling point to the general public is that in this economy, we need a business man for president, and as a business man, he made a mountain of cash and created "over 100,000 jobs."

I'm not going to contest that he made a mountain of cash as the CEO of Bain Capital, but I do question at whose expense that came. Also, his claim of creating 100,000+ jobs is questionable at best. He claims it is a net-net (jobs gained from successful companies, minus jobs lost at companies that went out of business), but he really hasn't provided any data to back that claim up. Come to think of it, he still hasn't provided his tax returns either. Ever.

My last point on Romney, as governor of Massachusetts, he came in (drum roll please) 47th in job creation during his time as governor.

Newt Gingrich:



Newt is a hell of a debater. He's won every debate I've watched so far (nearly all of them), but at the end of the day he just isn't going to make it. Romney's Super PAC destroyed him in Iowa and he hasn't recovered. If he doesn't recover in South Carolina, he's done.

He also managed to not get on the ballot in Virginia. Plenty of politicians skip certain states (Santorum should have skipped New Hampshire, Paul plans on skipping Florida) but generally you don't skip your HOME STATE, and WHERE YOUR CAMPAIGN IS HEADQUARTERED. It generally shows Newt lacks the organization to make a serious run at this point.

He's only staying in at this point to tear down Romney, angry because of what his Super PAC did to him in Iowa. The irony is, by staying in he is only helping Romney by fracturing the "anti-Romney" field, dividing the remaining votes.

Rick Santorum:

"If you got no money and you got no car, then you got no woman, and there you are..."

-Young MC

Rick Santorum has no money. He almost managed a win in Iowa thanks to the fact that Iowans HATED every other possible candidate. That gave him the cash to continue and compete in New Hampshire and South Carolina, but he doesn't have the money to compete in Florida. That's a good thing because he believes kids with a father in jail is better for the kid than to have two gay parents.

Rick Perry:



This guy should have quit after finishing 5th in Iowa. He should have quit after garnering 1% of the vote in New Hampshire. He probably should have quit after he couldn't recall which three agencies of government he would eliminate during a national debate. Yet he presses on. He's dead in the water, so I won't waste any more time on him.

Ron Paul:




I love Ron Paul. He consistently tells the truth (at least more than most politicians) and stands behind what he says, even if it's insanely unpopular, like his foreign policy.

I like his foreign policy too. If you're not familiar with it, he wants to stop policing the world, bring our troops home, secure our own borders, and stop wasting money. What's not to like about that?

He's viewed as a cross between a cantankerous old grandfather and a lunatic by most people. Ultimately, he doesn't have a chance to win the nomination. However, he and Mitt Romney show they are in a dead-heat vs. Obama in recent polls. I'd be interested in seeing what that poll looked like if he ran as a 3rd party candidate against Obama AND Romney.

UPDATE:

I almost forgot a major player in the election cycle.

Stephen Colbert:



After polling at 5% in South Carolina, 1% above the now defunct John Huntsman, Stephen Colbert has turned his eye towards the presidency. Since it is too late to get on the South Carolina ballot, Colbert is urging all of his supporters to vote for Herman Cain. It'll be interesting to see how much support a candidate who is no longer in the race can garner.



It should also be noted that Colbert has appointed Jon Stewart to head his Super PAC, The Definitely Not Coordinating With Stephen Colbert Super PAC, Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow.

Jon Stewart, "a loose cannon," as Colbert describes him, even ran an ad portraying Mitt Romney as a serial killer:

The Colbert Report
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Things could get interesting by Texas. It's not too late to get on the ballot there, so there is a distinct possibility that he could actually be awarded delegates.

Napoleon Dynamite

There are so many things I want to write about today. Since returning, I have yet to weigh in on the Republican nomination. Fear not, loyal reader(s), it's coming. Just not today. Replacing "the Cleveland Show" last night on Fox's Animation Domination was none other than Napoleon Dynamite.

Come again?

That's right. The movie (which I loved, by the way) which was relevant for about 5 minutes in 2004 to about 50 people has resurfaced as a cartoon on Fox.

"Napoleon Dynamite"

When: Sundays, 8:30 PM EST
Who: Jon Heder, Aaron Ruell, Efren Ramirez, Halie Duff, John Gries, Sandy Martin
Where: Fox
What:

Imagine Napoleon Dynamite the movie, and now replace it in your head with cartoon characters instead of actors.

The talent:

They've reunited the entire cast, as far as I can tell, from the movie to the cartoon. This is presumably because none of them had been working anyway.

Projected Longevity of the Show:

Well, it's on Fox, so chances are if it is successful, they will subsequently mishandle and cancel it. That said, I don't think this one is ready to catch fire any time soon. The bar has been set pretty low, as it's replacing Jonah Hill's hot mess called Allen Gregory, which I barely remember hearing about and never watching.

Projected Watchability:

Women: 3 out of 10
Men: 5 out of 10

As I said in the beginning, only a handful of people have heard of the movie, so I guess there will be a lot that is lost in translation as people get to know the characters. It's going to be sandwiched in a popular line up, so it has that going for it. I tried to watch the first two episodes and fell asleep during each.

It is also worth mentioning that I've found no evidence that the Cleveland Show has been cancelled. Apparently this was just a one-time thing.

Since you were so good to read the entire post, here's your reward in the form of today's DAILY FEEL GOOD. The best part comes at the end when the report reveals that this is the third such occurrence in recent months at a Detroit Chuck-E-Cheese.

Tim Tebow

Even for those of you who have never watched a football game, you probably know who this guy is. Over the past several months, he has inexplicably become a media darling and a national icon. It's time I weigh in on the subject.

I hate Tim Tebow.

Maybe that's too harsh. I believe, at his core, he is a good man. I think he possesses qualities that I myself am jealous of. He has unshakable faith. Even after I developed a faith of sorts in God, I've never been able to remove all doubt, no matter how badly I wanted it. I've come to terms with the fact that I'm just not wired that way, and I'm very grateful for the relationship I do have with a Higher Power, even if it's a round peg in a religious square hole.

He gives to charity. A lot. He seems to genuinely care about the plight of the human race. I can't afford to give to charity, but I wonder, even if I could, would I? I like to think I would. I've even researched the non-profits I would like to give to. But at the end of the day, if the world were divided into givers and non-givers, where would I cast my lot?

He's a hell of a teammate. I cannot deny his charisma, his selflessness (although this can be debated on certain levels I won't get into here), his desire to win, and his ability to inspire. The team clearly rallied behind him, and there is no contesting that.

Maybe a more fair statement is: I hate what the media has turned Tim Tebow into for the sake of a better story.

Tim Tebow is a bad quarterback.That's a statement I can make in all fairness. For all of the intangibles I just listed, at the end of the day, he still lacks the tangibles.

"But Ben, he wins games. How can you say he is a bad quarterback when he succeeds at the only stat that really matters?"

Because the last time I checked, there are 26 guys on a football team, and 13 more that play on special teams (which may or may not be part of the 26 that play regularly). Football teams count on 53 guys to win on any given Sunday, and Tebow is just the guy who is getting the credit for their success.

In his final game of the season, Tebow went 9-for-26, 136 yards, no touchdowns, no interceptions, and a fumble lost. He's only been above 50% in completion percentage twice in his brief career. In 23 games, he has completed 167 of 353 passes, for a dismal 47.3%, 17 touchdowns, 9 interceptions, and a very, very mediocre 75.1 Quarterback Rating. Dear Readers, there is a chance that I could post similar numbers in an NFL uniform.

I heard on television this morning, consistent with the media rhetoric, that these are better numbers than Aaron Rogers and Drew Brees had coming into the league, and that Tebow will be a force in the NFL for years to come. If I were to venture a guess, I would say he has less than 3 years left, and if for some reason he goes longer, it's out of fear of a media backlash, or a backlash from the fans that inexplicably continue to defend his piss-poor play at the quarterback position.

Friday the 13th

For a guy who isn't superstitious, it's been a pretty shitty day. I'm not at liberty to divulge the dirty details, but let's just say it wasn't good.

Fortunately, there was plenty in the news to cheer me up. I don't just have one daily "feel good" for you, today I have three:


Disturbing AND Impressive


You're never too young to be a homophobe


Tell me again why you would share this with a co-worker?

In unrelated news, I continue to perform blog maintenance, repairing dead links and YouTube videos. I'm searching all of my comments for former friends to see if they are still active (very few of them are). Basically, it looks like I've more or less got to start from scratch. I've got the blogroll started again, that's a start. This weekend I'm going to try and reorganize all the post Labels into something more coherent and searchable.

If you stop by, be sure to say hello so I know all my efforts aren't for naught at this point.

I'm Back, and Better Than Ever...

I finally, after years of absence, feel inspired to write again. I spent the last couple of hours cleaning up the blog. The first thing to go were the goddamn sponsored posts. Next, I cleaned up my list of daily reads. It's still incomplete, but it's at least more current. I didn't even remember what half of the websites on there were, much less read them daily.

This week, I've got to meticulously go through the comments of my posts, find my old friends, and figure out if they are still active or not. Then I need to figure out how to get my blog roll working again so I remember to go read what they are up to.

So where is all of this going? What am I going to write about? Why on earth would you ever visit here again?

1) We're entering a political season once more. That means a wealth of humor.
2) Things that piss me off. Scroll through my old posts and see if you like my style when I fly off the handle.
3) Television. I'm a hopeless addict.

If I ventured a guess, that would be the three topics I'd say nearly every post in 2012 will be about. If you dabble in such things, and enjoy laughing until shit flies out of your nose, then this blog is for you. If you don't, feel free to stick around anyway.

Better Late Then Never

Thanks for this, David.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Alan Keyes is Totally Insane

Christmas Wish List

My friends yell at me because i have the worst memory on earth. They would periodically ask me what I wanted for Christmas, and I could never remember anything I wanted. So my new years resolution is to keep this list up to day and email it to them whenever they ask.

1) Into The Wild Green Yonder, Movie, Futurama
2) Mr. Sebastian and the Negro Magician, book by Daniel Wallace
3) Gift certificates to Best Buy or Borders/Barnes & Noble
4) Surprise me, like my friend Ray Christmas 2008, with something related to my favorite books, authors, or hobbies. (Photography, Maurice Sendak, Douglas Adams, Futurama, etc--ask for more).
5) A shirt that says I #%@& on the first date. Jack Black wore it in Tropic Thunder and I found it hilarious.
6) Nikon D300 Camera Body. If I have 100 friends, and you all kick in $17, this can be a reality.

I can be me again

Now that the election is over (suck it, McCain supporters), I can be me again. First, some comic relief.

Clarity, ah Yes.

It's 1984....

Per the St. Petersburg Times, by Eileen Shulte

CLEARWATER -- Constantly under the watchful eyes of security, the media wasn't permitted to wander around inside Coachman Park to talk to Sarah Palin supporters. When reporters tried to leave the designated press area and head toward the bleachers where the crowd was seated, an escort would dart out of nowhere and confront him or her and say, "Can I help you?'' and turn the person around.
When one reporter asked an escort, who would not give her name, why the press wasn't allowed to mingle, she said that in the past, negative things had been written. The campaign wanted to avoid that possibility Monday.

"We are at war with Eurasia. We have always been at war with Eurasia."