Tuesday, August 22, 2006

This Fall's "Waste of Advertising Dollars"

Here's a quick list of shows that will be complete and utter wastes of time this year. I should begin by defining 'wastes of time.' By that definition, I'd have to include shows that look like Lost or Survivor.

I'm saying these shows won't be popular. They'll have 28 viewers from 13 states. I'm guessing most of those states will be in the deep south. Providing they have televisions.

They'll be plenty of crap on that succeeds. After previewing Vanished last night, I'm convinced it will be around for a couple seasons. It was terrible, but it was the kind of terrible that sells. I lost interest after 20 minutes, and I'll never watch it again on purpose. But I think I'm in the minority.

Enough of the tomfoolery. I'm not naming times and channels on this list, mostly because I don't recommend you watch these shows. In fact, you'll probably be stupider if you watch an episode. I wouldn't want that for my readers. Here's your freakin' list already:

  • Runaway
  • The Class
  • Knights of Prosperity
  • Help Me Help You (God damnit, just f'ing die already, Ted Danson)
  • Justice
  • The Nine
  • Kidnapped
I was on the fence about Justice and Kidnapped. They're promoted well. I suspect that Justice is one of those shows that will be too dumb for smart people, and too smart for dumb people. Kidnapped is the same thing (more or less) as Vanished. People can only tolerate so many kidnappings.


Ahh, the day they throw all of their shit against the wall and hope "Friends II" is born. Mostly, it's shit on a wall.
  • Big Day
  • Notes from Underbelly
  • Six Degrees
  • 'Til Death
  • Happy Hour
Yes, in a matter of 24 hours, I've almost completely lost all interest in 'Til Death. I saw another ad for it tonight, and I started wishing the characters would catch fire.

Big day was described as the love child of 24 and Father of the Bride. I hope Kieffer Sutherland kicks through the set and empties a clips worth of bullets in all of their heads.

Happy Hour is going to be a hit or a miss. The premise is that a guy has his WHOLE (and I really mean all of it) LIFE fucked in a day. I usually avoid the harsh language here, but I mean it. If the writing is good, and the acting is serviceable, it could lift off. As a betting man, I have to believe that one, the other, or most likely, both are very poor.

  • Ugly Betty
Hey Kieffer, when you are done at Big Day....


shirley said...

I guess they're all good choices since I've never heard about any of them! I did tape Vanished, but stopped watching after the first 2 minutes showed me that the show producers were catering to idiots. (Zoom in on a license plate saying "#1 Senator"?? Thanks bitches.)

yellowdog granny said...

i kinda liked vanished...i was more intrested in the previews of next shows more than the one i saw though...there is no gray..either your good, bad an asshole or stupid..or a bad past your trying to live down...hmmm..none of the rest are going to be watched by me..maybe ted dansen should just reopen sams place...the crew that drank there would be there 20 years later...and sam should be fat and bald and what's his face the mailman would be married to a russian bride...huh huh

Nicole said...

well Benny, I do like survivor, amazing race and rockstar.
That's it for reality.... except...

oh...will you still respect me when I tell you that I am TOTALLY into Gene Simmon's Family Jewels?

Holy Hell, is THE son HOT!!!
If I was under 20....

justin said...

Hate to bust up your list, but Ugly Betty has recieved critical acclaim out the wazoo and has since been moved to Thursday where it will join your aspiring Friends. However, Ugly Betty will have the advantage of being paired with Grey's Anatomy, a fine show indeed, that many watch. ABC will advertise the everloving fuck out of Ugly Betty and it will be renewed for next fall at least. It will only be helped by the imminent cancellation of The OC, an event that would result in a decent influx of chicks with hole in their Thursday viewing schedule. My crystal ball is fading now.

Ben said...


While its hardly disappointing that there is a possibility the OC will get cancelled, I don't think Betty could survive against Survivor, Earl, and the Office.

Who knows though? The Thursday fall lineup is so ridiculously weak that maybe there's enough pie for everyone.

The possibility of its survival inspired me to do a little more research, though. I learned a couple things:

The plot is uninteresting.

Salma Hayek is the executive producter.

The only other person I've heard of in the cast is Vanessa Williams.

If I were a bettin' man, I'd say Tina Fey's new project outlives it.

justin said...

I don't dispute the fact that Ugly Betty will no doubt blow goats and dead dogs. I only submit that it will likely succeed. Looks dumb as hell though.

Dramedy Girl said...

I just watched the pilot for Justice and I liked it well enough. If there's character development throughout the series I bet it suceeds.

LookinginmyRearviewMirror said...

You must watch a gob of television to be able to have all those observations! My favorites are Big Brother and Everyday Italian...that is it...My husband does enjoy Survivor.