This Fall's "Waste of Advertising Dollars"

Here's a quick list of shows that will be complete and utter wastes of time this year. I should begin by defining 'wastes of time.' By that definition, I'd have to include shows that look like Lost or Survivor.

I'm saying these shows won't be popular. They'll have 28 viewers from 13 states. I'm guessing most of those states will be in the deep south. Providing they have televisions.

They'll be plenty of crap on that succeeds. After previewing Vanished last night, I'm convinced it will be around for a couple seasons. It was terrible, but it was the kind of terrible that sells. I lost interest after 20 minutes, and I'll never watch it again on purpose. But I think I'm in the minority.

Enough of the tomfoolery. I'm not naming times and channels on this list, mostly because I don't recommend you watch these shows. In fact, you'll probably be stupider if you watch an episode. I wouldn't want that for my readers. Here's your freakin' list already:

Monday

• Runaway
  
• The Class

Tuesday

• Knights of Prosperity
  
• Help Me Help You (God damnit, just f'ing die already, Ted Danson)

Wednesday

• Justice
  
• The Nine
  
• Kidnapped

I was on the fence about Justice and Kidnapped. They're promoted well. I suspect that Justice is one of those shows that will be too dumb for smart people, and too smart for dumb people. Kidnapped is the same thing (more or less) as Vanished. People can only tolerate so many kidnappings.

Thursday

Ahh, the day they throw all of their shit against the wall and hope "Friends II" is born. Mostly, it's shit on a wall.

• Big Day
  
• Notes from Underbelly
  
• Six Degrees
  
• 'Til Death
  
• Happy Hour

Yes, in a matter of 24 hours, I've almost completely lost all interest in 'Til Death. I saw another ad for it tonight, and I started wishing the characters would catch fire.

Big day was described as the love child of 24 and Father of the Bride. I hope Kieffer Sutherland kicks through the set and empties a clips worth of bullets in all of their heads.

Happy Hour is going to be a hit or a miss. The premise is that a guy has his WHOLE (and I really mean all of it) LIFE fucked in a day. I usually avoid the harsh language here, but I mean it. If the writing is good, and the acting is serviceable, it could lift off. As a betting man, I have to believe that one, the other, or most likely, both are very poor.

Friday

• Ugly Betty

Hey Kieffer, when you are done at Big Day....