Ain't too proud to beg-

Courtesy of www.Redmeat.com. Visit them early and often. Click the image for a larger, readable version.

This post will make back-to-back lame ones, and I apologize for that. At least I'm compensating by offering up a hiliarious (and somewhat appropriate) cartoon.

Notice, if you will, beneath my site counter (which has doubled in the last week or two, thanks all) there is now a 'Donate' button. I've seen this on other blogs, and thought to myself, "What kind of jackass puts a donate button up on his freakin' blog?"

Well, I'm that kind of jackass, apparently.

I don't expect anyone to ever use it, but it's decorative and at least it offers you the choice. If I've ever made you laugh or told you a great story, and you feel like kicking me a couple bucks or even just a couple quarters, it would be appreciated. We're expecting baby #2 this December, so I personally guarantee that if you do decide to give, it's going directly to Gerber and Pampers.

It's a necessary evil to inform readers about changes to the site. Yesterday was the suggestion box. Today was an utterly shameless solicitation to make sure my lights stay on as I feed another mouth. I'll post something entertaining tomorrow.

DAILY FEEL GOOD: I really don't understand come compulsive behavior. This really couldn't wait until he got home? I mean, at BARE MINIMUM, wouldn't you just pull over?

Suggestion Box

Welcome to the 50th Post. Per my brother's suggestion, this is going to be the suggestion box. It's a good idea, since 50 posts is about the time you run out of things to talk about.

I'll permanently link this to the right under my profile and under Interesting Links. Drop off a suggestion any time it comes to you. And no suggesting where I should stick my blog.

Quick and Dirty

It's deadline week here at the office, so today's post is short. And you only get it because I didn't do one yesterday.

It's been a while since I've complained about music, so today's list is bands that never, ever should have made it big. The American public is ignorant, and they tolerate people with shitty sounds or inability to actually play their instruments. Here's the list of those who piss me off the most:

• Creed
  
  WTF?!
  
  
• Evanescence
  
  I actually saw them live with a buddy of mine. Well, sort of. He got free tickets to the show because his friend worked on the Fusion tour. We made fun of ever band that took the stage until our ears started bleeding. At one point my buddy says to me, "You know what the funny thing is? This is a SOLD OUT show. There are people at home right now sulking and literally crying because they didn't get tickets. We just came to hang out with my buddy and make fun of these awful bands."
  
  Then Evanescence came on and we went out to their bus and made fun of them where we didn't have to hear them for the rest of the show. That, my friends, is music snobbery at its finest.
  
  
• Hootie and the Blowfish
  
  Burger King should have been the end of his career, not an continuation.
  
  Another concert story. I went to one of their shows because of a girl I liked at the time. When it became apparent she wasnt interested, I left. Now that's money well spent.
  
  
• Korn
  
  Anyone who listened to any song in its entirity by this band should be ashamed of themselves.
  
  
• Linkin Park
  
  When I was writing this, I couldn't remember the name of this band, as my mind tends to block out bad memories. Know how I found it? I googled "Worst Band Ever." I'm not kidding.
  
  
• Nickelback
  
  There's one thing I admire about these guys, and that is that they are BALLSY. They have at least three songs where they didn't bother to change the chords, just the words. All of them made the top 40. America, you're a fucking sheep and you should be ashamed.

My buddy, HotDamn Doyle, once said: "The World According to Garp made me want to become a famous writer. After reading Penn Faulkner winner Snow Falling on Cedars, I knew I could." Any of you out there who want to be famous musicians, don't give up. This is proof that mediocrity sells.

Good News, Everyone! Futurama to deliver more parcels!

I have no idea how this slipped under my radar, but Futurama is BACK! Comedy Central has picked up the show and will air 13 episodes in 2008. Hooray! More Zoidberg!

Sure is Monday...

There's a country song called Sure is Monday by Mark Chesnutt that sums up my weekend and how I feel today. Here's the quick list of what went down:

• Drove to Rochester, NY to celebrate a friend's birthday (Ray)
  
  
• Ate at Country Sweet Chicken & Ribs
  
  
• Drank most of a bottle of burbon with pals
  
  
• Went to terrible strip club
  
  
• Slept past noon
  
  
• Went to state park to go swimming in natural body of water an hour away from Rochester
  
  
• Saw one of the strippers from the night before there with her kids (didn't think they left their coffins during the day...)
  
  
• BBQ'd with Ray's mom
  
  
• Drank more burbon
  
  
• Went to Karaoke; sang horribly
  
  
• Drank Jack and Pepsi all night...singing seemed to improve
  
  
• Ate a garbage plate, a drunken rochester signature meal
  
  
  
  
• Slept
  
  
• Went to Ray's mom's for one of the best goddamn breakfasts of my life
  
  
• Took a 'Garbage Plate Dump,' (a signature move of anyone consuming one), but not at Nick's. Expose as little skin as possible in Nick Tahou's, and certainly not your genitalia.
  
  
• Drove back to Boston
  
  
• Got stuck in traffic
  
  
• Discovered the gas cover no longer opens
  
  
• Figured a way in there through the trunk
  
  
• Arrived home at 11:30 PM

"I had a ball Friday, Saturday, and SUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY, but it's all over now and it SURE IS MONDAY."

-Mark Chesnutt

And so it ends...

So the U.S. bid for the World Cup is over as quickly as it began. We've got four more years to develop talent and prove we can compete on a global level.

I watched the game through an online chat room while working, and someone said, "300 million Americans and we can't find 11 decent soccer players." How very true. I thought about explaining why, but an economics discussion with a soccer Hooligan didn't seem like it would be very productive.

The truth of the matter is the Cubs just offered Jeff Samardzija, a college student at Notre Dame, 7.5 million dollars to choose baseball over football when he is drafted next year. Athletics is a business in this country, not something we love. The moneymakers are football, baseball, and basketball. We're barely keeping a national Hockey team afloat.

Kids love soccer. Someday, it will command the type of audience that will compel the owners to actually pay the players. When that happens, look out Brazil. We're coming for you.

For now, we'll keep juicing baseball, and football, and basketball. We'll keep fixing games in the name of the almighty dollar--until some starry-eyed kid takes a love of the game,

and sets the world on fire.

A subject long past due: Beers

I stumbled on a post about Arrogant Bastard Ale recently and I realized I haven't posted about the drink of the gods yet. Most of you know I love beer. I'm guessing only a few of you know how much I love beer. My friend Kenny hasn't been posting lately. Maybe this will call him out of retirement.

So here it is, Ben's top 7 Greatest Beers Ever. Why 7, you ask? Why not, I say!

7) Labatt's Ice

When you just want a quasi-non-import, Labatt's is the way to go.

6) Molson XXX

Slightly stronger, same taste. It's never too soon for a Molsoon!

5) Sam Adams

A little bitter, but oh, so good.

4) Honey Brown Lager

My hometown brew, and delicious.

3) Guinness

It's like a meal in a glass.

2) Troegenator Double Bock

This beer can almost kick your ass like no other...but there can be only one.

1) Arrogant Bastard Ale

I'm pretty sure there was some divine intervention when brewing this beer. It could only come from the hand of God. Before you buy a case yourself, please read their disclaimer:

Hold 'Em

I'm trying to get better at Texas Hold 'Em. I like to think I'm already pretty good, but playing at a new table is always challenging. When I moved up here, I found a weekly game pretty fast. I don't make it out each week, which makes it harder to learn everyone's styles and strategies. The first two outings, I lost $20 a shot.

This week, I turned a corner. I played smarter, and I'm starting to pick up on peoples tells. I came home with an extra $50 as a reward, so over the long run I'm up $10. Not a very good return for about 6 hours of work, but I expect it to get better in the future.

I probably won't talk too much about strategies on this site, since some of the guys I play with are readers. That said, if there are any other players out there, I'd love to hear some of your strategies.

Must own DVDs

Occasionally, I'll think of a movie that I love and wonder to myself why I don't own it. As many of you know, my memory is less-than-stellar, so about 15 minutes later I forget about it (which is probably why I still don't own whatever I was thinking of). So today, I offer you a list of things I do not own, but should. I invite you to add to the list.

• W;t--it's one of my all-time favorites.
  
• Young Frankenstein--and about 7 other Mel Brooks Films
  
• Bubba Ho Tep
  
• Baseketball
  
• Shawshank Redemption
  
• The West Wing series
  
• The Smallville series
  
• The Adventures of Baron Munchausen
  
• Harold and Maude
  
• American Beauty and other Kevin Spacey favorites
  
• Fletch & Fletch Lives
  
• Caddyshack, Caddyshack II, Funny Farm, and other vintage Chevy Chase (from, you know, when he was funny)
  
• Back to School
  
• Police Academy I to whenever they really started sucking. Maybe IV?
  
• The Big Lebowski
  
• The Princess Bride
  
• Necessary Roughness
  
• The Replacements (yes, I'm a sucker for football flicks)
  
• Groundhog Day and other Bill Murray Classics (pre-Garfield)
  
• The Blues Brothers
  
• The Great Escape
  
• Many Monty Python titles
  
• Amelie
  
• Big Fish--bought it, loaned it, never saw it again
  
• The Last of the Mohicans
  
• Shrek I & II

Alright, I swear, that's the last post about movies for a while, unless I se something truly offensive this summer. By the way, the word on Nacho Libre, unfortunately, is not so good. I thought the critics misinterpreted what the movie was getting at, but a credible source has told me to save my cash.

Anyway, there you have it. Stuff I want, but don't own. None of you can complain that you don't know what to get me for Christmas this year.

Summer Movies

For some reason, Summer is movie season. This never made much sense to me, since it's the last months on earth I want to be inside. That said, what the hell is going on this Summer? Aside from Nacho Libre, I've got little interest in anything playing. Hell, I'm not even outrageously excited about Jack Black's latest. I'll see it, but it isn't anything I felt compelled to watch on Opening Night. Am I missing something? Is there something I should be more excited about? Here's a quick list to the dreck we've been subjected to so far:

• Cars
• Nacho Libre
• The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift
• The Lake House
• The Break-up
• Garfield II (oh, come on...)
• X-Men III
• The Omen
• The Da Vinci Code
• Over the Hedge
• Prairie Home Companion
• An Inconvenient Truth

Like that isn't bad enough, here's what we get to 'look forward to:'

• Click
• Superman Returns
• Strangers with Candy
• Pirates of the Caribbean II
• You, Me, and Dupree
• Clerks II
• Miami Freakin' Vice
• The Ant Bully

The good news: Just announced, Bubba Nosferatu, starring Bruce Campbell. Nice.


More good news: I just found a Holiday that I would like to lend my full support to. Sorry I missed it this year, but you can bet your ass I'm circling March 14th, 2007 on my calendar right now.

Some Catholics have no sense of humor.

As many of you know, for a time I enjoyed moonlighting over at this catholic's blog. She's a pretty good writer, and most of the time, I just like to read it. However, when the Da Vinci Fiasco got rolling, I started behaving, well, like me. I picked a fight because I like to argue.

After the tomfoolery died down, I went back to behaving. Until I tried being funny. Those of you who know me understand when I try to be funny with strangers, it usually has a tragic ending.

So I guess the Catholic host was asked repeatedly at a conference if she was a nun. She went on a rant about what nuns should or actually look like, and posted her picture to demonstrate what they *do not* look like. You can see it on her blog, which I linked above. Having been to Catholic school, I am somewhat of an expert on "nunning it up."

Being funny, I threw this comment out there:

I dunno...I think it's the glasses. They look like glasses a nun would wear. Not that all nuns wear glasses, but those who do generally own a pair that look like those. Welcome back, by the way. Your writing has been missed.

Aaron Traas, apparently, is still a little bitter about discussions involving the Da Vinci Code. He replied:

Ben,

No offense, but are you really that dumb, or just pretending?

Aaron, Aaron, Aaron...Didn't you're mother ever teach you to *NEVER POKE THE BEAR?*

The author seemed to get my jest, why didn't he? There can only be two possible conclusions. I highlighted them in the following response:

I think it's safe to say you absolutely meant that to be offensive. I mean, when you see a retarded kid do something retarded, you don't walk up to him and say, 'hey, are you retarded or something?' No. You don't. Why? Because you know it's offensive.

So Aaron, my question for you is, are you really so stupid that you had to ask that question, or do you just not have any sense of humor whatsoever?

Hint: It has to be one or the other. Take your pick.

It was only a matter of time...

As many of you have noticed, in hopes of turning my musings into a lucrative affair, I run a single ad at the top of my page. I get a little bit of money every time a new IP address clicks the link. AdSense is smart (usually) by scanning the text for key words so the ads relate to what I'm talking about.

My friend Doyle warned me that once he called someone or something a douche in his blog years ago, and AdSense ran ads for douching for the next week. After yesterday's posting, what ad, you ask, did I wake up to this morning?

Artificial Insemination
Artificial Insemination procedure in Argentina for only USD 4795!

Hopefully, it isn't in the same manner as the article I posted. In other bad news, tomorrow's ad will likely be for douching products. It would be extra funny if all of you clicked these ads and netted me more revenue than I've received thus far.

On the positive note, barring a monumental disaster at blogger.com's servers, I should pass 1000 hits today. Not bad at all for my first month and a half of blogging. Thanks to all of you for your readership.

Update:
I just checked, and one of you had clicked the ad before I asked...who needs inseminating, and can I volunteer? I'm much cheaper that $4,795. Then again, maybe you wanted the bull...

Worst...job...ever.

Courtesy of Reuters:

Wed Jun 14, 6:50 AM ET

WELLINGTON (Reuters) - Live "sex shows" of bulls mounting a simulated cow have become a big attraction at an agricultural exhibition taking place in New Zealand.

The fake 'cow' -- a small go-kart with natural cowhide on its roof -- was developed by Ambreed New Zealand Ltd. to collect semen from bulls more safely and efficiently and improve artificial breeding of cows.

Similar machines are widely used in Europe but have yet to be introduced in New Zealand, where dairy products are its largest export.

The go-kart, driven by a human operator, draws close to a bull and adjusts to the proper height.

The experience can be a little alarming.

"It's quite a daunting feeling when you consider you've got a bull there that weighs a thousand kilograms sitting on top of you and is in quite an aggressive mood," Andrew Medley, production manager at Ambreed, told Reuters.

Bull semen is commonly obtained using a rubber device known as an artificial vagina which is put in place manually by two handlers.

My friend Chad added this:

RESUME

• Bull Jerker-Offer
  
  - Collected semen from bulls
  - Drove decoy mechanical cow “bitch”

Good News, Everyone!

I'll keep saying that until every time you read it, you see professor Farnsworth from Futurama in your head.

That said, there really is good news. According to site meter, I get a fair amount of traffic from all over the world. I'm not quite sure why they think I have anything interesting to say, but welcome!

I've added a new feature at the bottom of the right column to help accomodate the visitors that do not speak english as their primary language.

It's called Babel Fish, by Alta Vista. Click your flag, and it will open a very bad translation of my page. Bad translations are better than no translations, right? Anyway, I thought it was pretty cool. Hopefully, the person in Spain that keeps dropping by will think so too. Oh, and as an added bonus, my Canadian following can now read in French, if they prefer.

Musings

I'll keep this short. First, I want to draw attention to a new link I've posted. It's called the Johari Window. I'm mildly interested, so I thought I'd throw one out there and see what I can learn from it. If I find one, I'll do a Nohari window as well, which is the same thing but with negative traits. I have no idea why they don't combine the two.

Secondly, I was reading a book called Great Lies to Tell Small Kids, by Andy Riley. It's freakin' hilarious. It got me thinking about some of the lies I plan on telling Thomas and my unborn. I know what you're thinking--it isn't horrible. It will teach them (the hard way) to not take things at face value, and to do their own research. I think it will also inspire creativity and imagination. Sure, I'll tell them the real answer eventually. But not before having fun with the likes of this example:

In one of the Calvin and Hobbes books, Calvin's father tells him the world wasn't always in color. That's why we have black and white movies.

So I want to know some more great lies. Please post your own. Here's a couple from my imagination:

1. Film used to be made of cheese. That's why people say it when their photograph is taken.


2. Groundhogs used to be actual hogs that learned how to burrow. They shrank because there are fewer calories in dirt than there are in slop, and grew hair because it's colder down there.


3. When worms get big enough, they sprout heads and turn into snakes.


4. Bodies of water don't actually have bottoms. They go clear to the other side of the world.


5. Shooting stars are actually aliens hitting home runs in other solar systems.


6. Pooping is a sin.


7. Brushing your teeth and showering will make you very lucky (this is mostly true--certainly luckier than people who don't).

Update: I took the time to fill out my Nohari window as well. You'll find the link to the right. I noticed something very disturbing immediately--it was much easier to fill out the negative traits. Is it because it is easier to be critical of ourselves, am I too negative, or am I just a bad person...this little experiment has already been worthwhile.

Not while I'm eating, thank you...

This could easily read like an open letter to the lawmakers of our country.

While our government struggles with pieces of legislation about whether gays should marry, or who determines a woman's right to choose, I have a far more pressing matter that I think deserves your attention.

Here's what I propose: a law that bans airing commercials about certain products during the hours of a normal dinner, say 5:00 p.m to 8:00 p.m.

I'm tired of sitting down to dinner and watching a hair clog shoot through a drain courtesy of liquid plummer. I have no desire to hear about Herpacin while I'm consuming anything. And is it really necessary to watch a cartoon bear wipe his ass while I'm having meatloaf? Do I really need to hear about periods with excessive bleeding or yeast infections while eating mac and cheese?

I'd start a petition, but more than one administration has made it abundantly clear that they don't read them, or care about their approval rating.

On that note, our Commander-in-Chief should enjoy a nice spike in approval rating thanks to the death of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi (which has left me decidedly far behind in my annual dead pool). This spike will last until the American public figures out that all we've done is:

• created a martyr.


• promoted the #3 terrorist, whose name will make headlines shortly.


• inspired one-thousand more zealots to take up arms and join the cause for their fallen hero.

War is not the answer.

Update: In reference to the claim that one-thousand more zealots will take up arms, my brother asked me if I had any data about the number of civilians we've killed over there as a result of our invasion. Imagine, if you will, someone invading the United States to liberate us from George W. Bush. In the process, your house is bombed and your son/daughter/father/wife/mother/brother/sister or all of the above are killed. Who do you hate more, Bush or the invaders?

Here's the link, Dave. It's a pretty astounding minimum and maximum number.

Update II: We didn't have to wait long. #3 was officially promoted.

We made it!

In the voice of Professor Farnsworth, "Good news, everyone!"

It appears we have survived a potential apocalypse! While I'm sure you are all busy celebrating this narrowly averted tragedy, I'm afraid I need to rain on your parade. The fact of the matter is that it is never too soon to begin preparations for the next one. I predict that Satan will again attempt to end the world in September of 2009. Remember, 9/9/09 is 666 upside-down, which has to be much worse. Here's a couple things to keep in mind between now and then.

• Plan on abstaining from sex for all of December of 2008 and January of 2009. The demon seed can't spawn if he doesn't have a host! This will also alleviate the fears of all the traumatized mothers that gave birth yesterday.


• Corner the market on holy water, crosses, and garlic. You just never know, the new anti-Christ could take the form of a vampire.


• Get baptized.


• Remember on 9/8/09 to ask God's forgiveness before you go to bed. That way, you go to sleep with a clean slate, and have your ticket punched for Heaven.


• Don't go to bed after midnight. You wouldn't want to miss the boat!


• Try not to be as retarded in 3 years, 3 months, and 3 days. It was pretty embarrassing to the human race in general. I sure hope there weren't any aliens watching.

In reference to the U.S. giving Iran nuclear technology so they'll stop enriching uranium, I've come up with a nifty metaphor (or simile, whichever you prefer):

It's like giving a drunk a brewery to keep him away from the whiskey bottle.

Happy Birthday

To my friend Jay--may the world not end this afternoon.

It sorta reads like a hallmark, doesn't it? While I'm on the subject, I'd also like to wish happy birthdays to all the little tykes born over the next 24 hours (48, with time-zones accounted for? I don’t know how many they are, I just wanted to be all inclusive). It's probably going to be the only happy birthday for those of you with nutty moms that think they may have spawned the anti-Christ.

So when is it all going down? 6:06:06 tonight? 7:06 tonight (6 p.m, + 66 minutes)? What about the west coast? Is it just going to be a sweeping wave of destruction, starting with the east? Why does it matter about the year? Why not 6:06:06 every night?

Here's a tip for the superstitious--we invented numbers. Not only that, we invented the concept of time. I'm pretty sure God isn't bound to such limitations. If he's going to proper-fuck us, I'm pretty sure we won't be able to look at a clock or a calendar and guess when.

In other news, today's Feel Good. Pat Robertson is back with his whacky predictions. Thanks Atheist. For those who can't stomach the reading, I'll sum up:

1) The coast will be ravaged by hurricanes this year (if he "heard the Lord right")

No shit, Sherlock. In other news, some days it will be sunny, others will be rainy, and most days, your head will still be up your ass.

2) The Pacific Northwest is getting a Tsunami.

If God really cares about us, this guys house will get hit by a tsunami.

People who watch the 700 Club shouldn't be allowed to vote.

Just found a 2nd Feel Good. Isn't this sort of, you know, counter-productive?

Favorite Children's Books

What are some of the Children's Stories you think no child should do without? Here's my short list:

• Where the Wild Things Are, Maurice Sendak


• Sylvester and the Magic Pebble, William Steig


• The Giving Tree, Shel Silverstein


• The Chronicles of Narnia, C.S. Lewis


• In the Night Kitchen, Maurice Sendak


• Where the Sidewalk Ends, Shel Silverstein


• Why Mosqitoes Buzz in People's Ears: A West African Tale, Verna Aardema


• The Complete Tales of Uncle Remus, Joel Chandler Harris


• The Story of Ferdinand, Munro Leaf


• Amos & Boris, William Steig


• The Tale of Peter Rabbit, Beatrix Potter

Anyway, that's enough to get the rest of you started. Help me fill in the blanks I'm sure to have missed. Oh, and good news for Maurice Sendak fans--they're adapting it to film in 2008. Jen, no excuses, I expect you seated next to me and my kids for opening night. Put in notice now if you have to.

Porn spammers are getting smarter

It just has to be a lucrative industry. I'd say I probably get 50 pieces of spam every day, at least 10% of which are related to porn or making my penis larger. Usually, they aren't that hard to spot and I just delete them. I have a feeling I'm the exception though, or I wouldn't still get subject lines such as:

vlagra will change your life!
make your peenys mucho large!

Some jackass is opening these. Otherwise they'd find new marketing techniques--like the one I got today at myspace from 'savit.' I assume the clever screen name is supposed to subliminally inspire me to 'save it.' It reads as follows:

Hey Ben!

I don't mean to bother you.. I just moved out here around Marblehead for work a couple of weeks ago. It sucks cuz I don't know AnYBoDY out here ;(. My friends back home suggested I start a myspace and look for people in my area. I just started today so here I am! :D

Well I'm lookin to meet a guy and you are pretty cute Hehe. About me... Well I'm 24, single, and I love to have fun. I'm into older men. Since you're cute and 29, you fit the profile! LoL

I just started this myspace stuff today so my profile is pretty thin to say the least. If you wanna see some of my pix, I have a homepage @ houseofvicky.com/kris - there's a bunch of photos and stuff... I also left you a PeRSoNaL message on the front page so come check it out k?

XoXo KriSty

It starts innocently enough. She ended up in Massachusetts for the same reason I did. I don't know if they had someone (or a well-designed program) research me, but she immediately made the connection (accidently or not) that we have something in common. She also mentioned MARBLEHEAD (specifically), which is not a densely-populated area. This suggested to me that it could very well be legit--she didn't say Boston, which is far more all-encompassing to this area.

It's a lot more patient than your normal, run-of-the-mill spam porn (sporn). I grew suspicious in the second paragraph, but even that displayed some patience. She kicks things off with a compliment, playing to the ego. She still doesn't make the sales pitch.

Finally, the closer comes in the SECOND line of the last paragraph. The website address even seems innocent enough, but I'm definitely wise to the game at this point. The website bears someone's name other than her own, which is a clear sign of sporn for even the most uneducated rookie. She tries to cover with the /kris at the end, but we know better.

My intelligence wasn't insulted until I read there was a "PeRSoNaL message" for me. Have a look--there isn't anything graphic on page 1--and that's as far as I got. Explore beyond that at your own risk.

All in all, I think it's a brave leap for the sporn industry. It was articulate, grammatically correct for the most part, and seemingly genuine for the majority of the sporn. Color me impressed!

So, there ya go, Kristy. You may not have got me, but you did earn a free plug for your Web site by creating a non-offensive, well-thought spamming.

Update: As promised, here is the link to the Onion's commentary about the idiot who thinks her baby just might be the anti-Christ.